Take a moment

A few days ago I was rushing to work in the morning. The air was crisp and the world was quiet. The snow was still fresh on the trees and in the woods. Something about the quietness made me ease my foot off the accelerator pedal. That slowing down was a blessing. In a clearing close to the road, I espied a few deer playfully jumping around. I stopped the car and watched for a few minutes. The deer gave me a bored glance and continued with their frolicking. I have rarely felt so at peace in that stillness.

Those moments gave my day a whole new breath.

What I am trying to say is that we let so many such invaluable instances pass us by. We are all so busy trying finish exigent, compelling tasks that we forget the really important things of life. A leisurely cup of tea in the evening; a nice, proper, cooked breakfast in the morning; stopping at a friend's place to share a joke: these may not fit into our 'schedule for the day', but it is imperative that we learn to make time for such occasions. Let us stop making excuses for the way we live. It is not our lives that are demanding, we make ourselves slaves to every demand that comes our way.

Sitting at a bench near a lake, actually doing nothing, is probably one of the most constructive things you could do for yourself, especially if you do not have time for it! It makes you grateful for simple things like being able to sit, for having a lake around (or maybe for the car that took you there), for being able to breathe fresh air, and for having all your senses in working condition.

When you are lucky enough to talk to grandchildren, you will not talk about the times you were at work early or left late, or of the hours cleaning the floors of your home. What you will remember is the fun party you had, or a special sunset you saw, or the first taste of a new cuisine. Are you sure you have your priorities right when you ask your child to 'go play' and you spend time finishing the loads of laundry you will always have? Or when you skip that TV sit-down time with family because of the groceries you have to buy? What you can be sure of is a lost moment, a memory that might have been a source of joy for all involved. Even a rushed vacation is going to be nothing but a blur of photographs.

A moment not savoured is a moment lost. Add up these moments and you can see how much of your life you have not lived, and how much happiness you have squandered away.

So let us learn to seperate the precious from the pressing and give precedence to the precious things that give us solace.

Woman, be thyself!

Hey, you cut-throat career women, WARNING - do not read further. Unless, of course, you have an open mind. Which is pretty unlikely. Because possesion of an open mind is predicated on having a warm heart-or at least an emotionally-sound psyche.

I have seen people look up to the women climbing the corporate ladders of a "man's world". Man's world??!! Who gave the world away to them? It is our world - men, women, and children. Everyone has a unique relationship and a different role to play in the world and in society. We give the 'world' to man when we acknowledge that the only succesful way of life is in the role he plays. Why do women work only to be able to afford that 5-bedroom house when all they can fill it with is distances between themselves and their families?

All credit and kudos to the woman who really needs to work - and manages to balance her work and home. A girl who works to pay off her college loans is living her life productively; a mother who needs to support the family's finances has my sincerest admiration. But the woman who decides she needs to work to get 'extra pocket money' or needs to add a swimming pool to their upgraded home deserves nothing but derision. Not only is she taking the job away from someone who really might need it, she is probably giving up on precious moments - going for ice cream with her children, or even a recherche hour of solitude.

Then there is that woman who picks an education not based on her interest in learning but on the attendant 'returns'. And then, of course, does a job which is 'in'. How exhausting it must be to live a life dependent on what someone else thinks, whether it is a man, a woman, or the whole entire world. Think for yourself, woman! It should not be your job, if it does not make you happy at the end of the day, and it certainly must not be your job, if you really do not need it.

You want that CEO position, go ahead and kill yourself over it. But do not expect us to take off our hats to you. Do not assume that it is well enough to dump your kids at the nearest, or even the fanciest, creche. Do not for a moment think it is worth even that lost moment with your child. Or a parent, or a friend who needs you. You are doing what you opted for, and your choice is about as creditable as - not less and certainly not more than - that of the woman who decides her priority is to stay home and keep it warm and clean.

Stop confusing work with success, and accomplishment with busy work, and fatigue with satisfaction.

Parental Impropriety

Since we started with kids in my last blog, let's continue.

So what is a rude kid? I think there are no ill-mannered kids, there are only very retarded parents.

Parents who do not discipline their offspring are the curse of civilized humanity. It is the responsibilty of parents to tell their children off when they impose on other's ring of privacy, comfort, and ettiquette. It is not cute if a guest-child plays sword fight with a host's indoor palm; and the mother who smiles at said child lacks not only any modicum of decency, but also suffers from certain mental ineptitude.

How can it be good for child not to know the boundaries of behaviour is a society? A child is a learning machine - not only of speaking and reading, but of societal norms. We concentrate so much on preparing a child with speaking, walking and reading, that we we ignore what a child is really paying attention to: non-verbal language. A smile of approval, a bored look, a 'that-is-enough' tone. We buy all the Baby Einstiens we can see, but we do not teach a child not to push to get to dessert first. A child learning to wait for a parent's permission learns self-dicipline, learns to understand authority, and develops emotional intelligence. It gives the child a structure to grow upon, and to depend on.

I cannot fathom how people who have never met your child can guide you on how to deal with bad conduct. I actually found a website that gives harrowing advice including listing the behaviours and finding a 'pattern'. If your child is driving you to make lists maybe you need to grow up yourself. You are the adult, and more importantly, the parent. Make sure the child knows who is in charge.

There is no justification for a badly behaved child, and a parent has no excuse in allowing that to happen.

Do not make a mountain out of a mouthful

I will never figure out America’s obsession with 'rude words'. Kids can take a toy gun and pretend to kill everyone in the vicinity but they will not be allowed to say “stupid”.
According to Dictionary.com, the word ‘stupid’ means lacking quickness, keenness of mind ; tediously dull; foolish; and even slang for terrific.

So what is rude? What if you really need to say someone did something really, well, stupid??? Would saying 'dull of mind' make it less hurtful? Would saying it in another language make it less malicious - if that is what the intention is? What if you say 'idiot' affectionately?

Words are cast out of polite lexicon only because some overzealous parents foolishly (stupidly?) think that stopping a child from saying things they consider impolite will actually make them behave better. Oh Please! Would you rather have someone who is justifiably angry yell out 'shut-up' or throw the vase at the wall??

Human beings are by nature emotional. And everyone needs to express those emotions. Sometimes a well-chosen word can diffuse built-up frustration, specially when its expressed spontaneously.

Children have not learnt the emotional intelligence required to control and redirect feelings - and they especially need to blurt out things. So let them say something 'not nice' once a in a while. It is better than having them go kick someone a few days later.

I am really frightened by parents who go pale at a 'get lost' but will happily hand their child a video game where the child goes about blasting an earthful of people. What mind games are they playing: 'Words are bad, use action'????!

Any word can be really mean if you intend it that way. When I was a child I would say 'Cherry Basket' under my breath when I really hated something or someone. It was me at my rudest, but would you think so if you heard it?

With people of all cultures and languages mingling in the melting pot of an increasingly smaller world, let us free language of our prejudices. One set of people may use 'stupid' more easily and with an entirely different connotation than you are used to. Do not make a mountain out of a mouthful.

Rudeness is not dependent on what we say, but how we say it and why. Words are never rude, we are.