Overrated Education

I believe education is overrated.

There are very few of us who have studied what we should have, or pursued a line of learning that we really liked. Sometimes we do things because its 'in'. Sometimes we pursue a study program because the end result is a job with a fat paycheck. Sometimes we join simply because we just have to do something, so we pick at random some courses that will give us the ability to tick mark 'completed 4 -year college' in application and survey forms. We become doctors, and teachers, and real estate agents. And sadly, a lot of us just are not meant to be what we studied to be.

How many of us go to study for the joy of learning something? Or to advance in a field that actually has caught our imagination? It is strange that people tend to ask young adults, "What do you want to be?" Education should define not the 'thing' you become, but the person you will grow into. People should ask, 'So who do you want to be?" Learning should interpret the who of us, not the what. Education unfortunately seems to mess that up totally. Why else would a budding scientist have to learn a foreign language? Why would a budding writer have to pass calculus? To justify a professor's salary?

I will never understand why the degree is so important for recognizing that a person is capable of responsible work. I know people personally who have double degrees under their belt and do not know when to stop talking; who assume that India and Pakistan are indistinguishable (and that particular bit of ignorance really riles me!!). Their years of attending classes has not taught them to be responsible with things - their own or those entrusted to them, it has not taught them to practice discipline - in finances, or speech.

So what has education taught them? And why should the piece of paper they hold be of any value at all if they cannot hold up to its promise? Of what use is a degree certifying that you have attended Psychology 500 or Socials 400 if you have not developed the civic courtesy to be sensitive to the needs of those around you? Or the plain intellect to respond to it once it is pointed out to you? And of what use its the Masters in Literature if you cannot write a coherent paragraph five years after graduation?

My workplace is filled with people who have higher degrees than I hold. And it is one place which gives me a terrible superiority complex by the end of the day! Most of my colleagues know nothing, they have learnt nothing except to walk around with Dunkin Donuts coffee telling everyone how tired they are.

There are always a few people everywhere who seem to belong to the job they are doing. We all know wonderful teachers, great doctors, talented actors. Let us not credit that solely to their education! It is a lucky chance or the rare understanding of themselves that placed them in the line of education and work that they are suited for. Excellence, however, is not a product of education. It is the result of personal aptitude, or perserverance, or sheer talent. Greatness, like goodness, always begins from within. Circumstances have more to do with it flourishing than education. Gandhi never studied non-violence. Charles Dickens did not study literature. I would add that Darwin did not study biology but I personally think he is an idiot anyway. Mendel, the father of genetics, had not a clue about the term 'genes', let alone a degree certifying that he did. If Newton was in a classroom instead of under a tree, we would have never known about gravity. Einstein would not have thought of the Theory of Relativity if he was caught up with a homework essay on a subject like Women's Rights.

I guess what I am trying to say that degrees are not something one needs to base their self-respect on. One of the most able women I have known was born is the very early 1900s. She could not even hold a pencil, but she had a depth of wisdom that is hard to believe. She held her family together through many major family crises. She ran a farm, actually prospered, and left her children enough wealth to last a few generations. But the most invaluable asset she bequeathed to them is the respect that she garnered form society for her family. Not only by the power of wealth, but by the relationships she developed. And she certainly took no courses in emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman may have written the badly written bestseller on the subject, but people have been practicing what he put on paper since time immemorial (Yes, he made money by delineating something that almost every sensible person already knows!).

What we learn should add to the person we already are and develop the potential that is in us. It should not be something that is an offshoot to our personality. Adding offshoots not only detracts from ourselves, it distorts us. Unfortunately, that is what education today seems all about.

Marriage: A Work in Progress

One of the bedrock institutions of society is marriage. It lays a foundation for that essential unit of society - family. Families grow, not only by procreation, but also by bonds between two groups of people that come together because of the union.

Marriage, however, is not an end in itself. Most young people believe the work is done once the knot is tied and the wedding guests have departed. The work, as most married couple know - begins after the ceremony - and continues all through life! A beautiful wedding is wonderful, but it pales in comparison to the wondrous beauty of a dynamic, strong marriage where people grow together as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. By its very nature marriage is labile. People change as they grow older physically, emotionally, and spiritually. What are the chances of you still loving or even tolerating each other as you grow and change? Every experience, and every person one meets, leaves an impression that becomes a part of one's personality. The very same experiences a couple goes through may have entirely different effect on each of them. The test of the marriage lies in adjusting with your partner 's changing attitudes and habits. Lets face it- love has nothing to do with it. It is a matter of maturity and commitment. It is also matter of how much respect is there in the marriage - respect for the partner, for self , and for the personal space each individual needs.

Sometimes, especially in eastern cultures, a marriage is maintained just because it has to be. The word in hindi for the relationship is 'bandhan', loosely meaning 'bondage' or a 'tie that binds'. And anything that binds, hurts. And a relationship, any relationship, that fosters pain does not last. But the bonds that a marriage cultivates usually grow softer, yet stronger with the years, evolving with the growing maturity of those involved. A successful couple weathers upheavals of life maybe not by surmounting them, but by simply surviving them.

So what should one look for in a life partner? Looks change immeasurably - for better or worse, likes and dislikes are modified by experiences. Wealth can be ephemeral and maybe the shallowest of the criteria. We see people with entirely different religions leading a happy life together. And we have seen so many good-looking people married very happily to their complete opposite in the looks department. On the other hand, there are instances of stable and well-adjusted couples falling apart after years of staying faithfully together.

It is widely accepted that the surest bet to predict a harmonious marriage is to look for its core values. And that is why people tend to marry within the same cultural setup. Its much easier to find a match for your core values within similar societal settings. But that is not always the case, and core values also tend evolve as life progresses.

I believe each successful marriage develops a core value of its own. A core value is something more than just a shared vision, or a joint objective for the future. It is greater than the sum total of their individualities. And the stronger this core value is, the steadier the marriage. It is something you can identify the couple with, together or individually. A core value is not necessarily a moral code, though it could well be. It could also be politics, it could be religion, it could be a predilection to social work or to partying, it even be a common ambition. It is never a conscious effort; it is something that develops along with the couple as they adjust and accept each other as individuals. A core value sets the tone not only for the couple as they face life, it sets the tone of the family they establish. And the cumulative core values of the many families in the community are what build the values of the society they constitute.

As long as there is this core value or a set of values that the couple adhere to, and see each other adhering to, the partnership works. Everything else they face is secondary to their functional unit, be it joys, sorrows, ups or downs. As long as the core value of the marriage is intact, there is trust, respect and companionship. And that is what marriage is all about. Love is just the icing on the cake!