For it is in giving that we receive

So here I was, in a lovely hotel enjoying a to-die-for breakfast in a city I did not like much. The buildings reminded me of New York, the people, of New Jersey. The city is a bunch of artificial things and even more artificial faces that seem to be at odd with its natural environs. Yes, I do not like Vancouver, Canada. Yet I was really content. Was good food all that mattered ? :) The answer struck me when I realized the flavor of the coffee was improved by the cup it was served in. It is not where you live, it is how you live that makes life what it is.


Unless of course you are living in New Jersey or New Delhi. One has rude people, the other has dehumanized animals who need to be shot. No amount peace can bring happiness in Jersey because of the mean aggression in everyone; and one, however rich, can never have even an iota of peace in India's capital because it is peopled by brutes.


But in general, the rule stands. Life can be good, or bad, anywhere in the world. It is the people you have around you, and personal accessibility to needed facilities that make your life what it is. Living in the fabulously lovely hills of Montana would be what I call 'peaceful postcard living' but one can enjoy that astoundingly clean country as long as one does not require the hospitals of major research universities that are within reach in the cities on the coasts. You could own a lake, but then if you do not have the time or ability to frolic in it, is it worth it? A house with a large ballroom and no parties to throw?


And by extension if how you live matters, and not where, should not happiness be in how you look at your situation, and not where life has brought you? So that large ballroom could make you happy, even if it is always empty, if you like to simply have it.


I do not believe in the sour-grapes theory that the wealthy are unhappier than those with less (they just seem unreasonably unhappy to those of us who can see how much they have!). Happiness is not predicated on how much of what you have. It is how much you like yourself, and how you deal with things that you do not like. Nasty people, illness, punctured tires, irate boss, whatever. It may be more comfortable to cry in Mercedes than on a bicycle, but the distress is the same. What matters is what made you cry, and how fast you bounce back. And that has no bearing on whether you cried in a Mercedes or on a bicycle.


 A TV show character said 'the purpose of life is to live as long as you can, as well as you can'. I actually changed the channel right away, it was so wrong. I cannot imagine a more purposeless life than one where the sole purpose is self-prolongation. So what, then, is the purpose of life? Of course one must enjoy it, but what exactly will bring you that enjoyment? Relishing a good pastry? Certainly. But it is more the sharing of that pastry with a friend.


I believe one has to realize that life is not meant to be prolonged, for it is defined by the fact that it ends. What one needs to do is make it count! Not by a greedy grabbing of everything. Just possessing, obtaining, 'living it up' never works. Try it for a day... do something you like to excess, and see how you feel by the end. Miserable. On the other hand, try giving a bit, sacrificing for someone, taking time out give someone a hand. If that does not help you feel better, I suggest you lie down and stop breathing because you are a psychopath.


We are mortal, and everything in the universe has a time limit. Simply 'going on' is hollow. But what you do while you go on is what matters. When I look back, the only regrets I have are the times I did not do something to help another. Yes, there are the "oh I should have bought that damn house when it was at such-and-such price" too, but the feeling of 'loss' is not as intense. It is with an implacable pang that I think of the girl who was walking down an empty road in NJ, and I did not offer her a ride because I had zipped past, and did not know how to make a damn U-turn in that stupid place. I still remember the beggar boy dipping dry bread in water. And that I did not cross the road to give him that useless money in my purse because I was feeling awkward with so many people just looking on (Yes, in India, everyone stares). When there is a fifty-fifty chance of feeling stupid or giving some relief to a human being, I will take that chance. It is a lesson learnt hard.


Chocolate cake, a good book, music, diamonds,comfortable shoes... all bring incredible happiness of course, but those joys are ephemeral. A kind act another does for us always stays with us. I have so many memories of strangers helping me out - people whose names I do not even know. Like the man in Hyderabad who stood with us quietly, till my uncle arrived, late in the night when my sister and I were stranded with a broken car. And what my friends have done for me, I cannot even begin to enumerate! All those memories sustain me. Whether we know it or not, it is the collective goodness of the world that we live on. And contributing to that goodness is what I think life is all about. Reaching out to each other to give joy and solace is not silly, or a waste, or even something you do when you 'have time'. It is an essential aspect of living. Not for the receiver but for the giver. That is an elemental truth.