This morning I got up feeling a little un-human. That is the only way I can describe it - no motivation though not depression, no joy though not sadness, no hopefulness though not hopelessness. And mostly, and most importantly for me - no connectedness, no empathy. It must be horrible to be an uncaring person if this is what it feels like.
The sun still shines on the rippling water, the dragonflies flit about the overgrown grass - and I looked on without being stirred. It was deeper than just needing my morning cup of tea. I felt stagnant though not stuck.
I am so blessed to have amazing, extraordinary, smart, caring people I call my friends wherever I have been. Friends who have been there for me through good times and bad, in need and in fun. Friends who have defined where home is.
Today, I am especially missing my friends in New Jersey, and their warmth and wisdom. That is the thing with friends of your soul: one does not need to have long conversations. A salaam was always enough. Being wrapped in their deep faith and genuine kindness was solace enough.
Every day I got back from Nooruliman School, I felt I was a slightly improved verison of myself. And that is what I am lacking today - improvement and growth.
It got me thinking of how everything is always right for you. Mostly, at least. As long there is full freedom, a good amount of health, and the required amount of wealth, it is all perfect for you. I hated everything about New Jersey - the weather, the driving, the jug handles, the smells, the dull look of the sky, the culture and attitude. But that is where I worked with some of the best women I will ever know. Friends who bring a smile whenever I think of them, and who helped me this morning through a dead awakening even though they are not around.
It is one of life's most enduring truths: it is the people in your life that define your living, both present and future. It is the family, friends, and even those that simply exist by your side, that make your life.
