Relationships

 Relationships are lovely, strange, and unique. They define our humanity, they are the glue that cements our civilization. Whether it is a friend, a colleague, a sibling, or a spouse, the relationship is only as supportive, or as restrictive, as you allow it to be.

Let's get this straight: being needed is not the same as being loved. It may be enough for you and maybe even what you want, but do not confuse compromise for contentment.

I have seen so much confusion and misconception among some of my friends that I needed to put my views forth.

Any alliance, is at its core, a deal. If you do something that your partner likes, there has to be something he/she does for you. This is the basis of all human bonds. It is more than a tit-for-tat. It is an unspoken, unbreakable, unambiguous, unchanging rule. That is why we invented 'thank you'. A person who respects that connection - fleeting or long-term - responds with at least a verbal acknowledgement of the favor or kindness shown.

The stronger the relationship, the stronger the need for this give-and-take. A thank you is inadequate when you are close - through regular interactions, blood or soul. That kind of relationship requires a display of caring and love continually. It comes unbidden and with ease when there is love. The smallest demonstration of love is letting be who you are, and giving you the space to do what you want to. Sometimes, it might be something only you like. You should not feel that you have to cook for your family, it should be because you want to. You should not travel with someone because you feel like you have no choice. Whether it is with a friend, a spouse, or a child, you should be choosing the when and the where together.

If a friend is around only to party with you, and never to cheer you up, that is not a relationship you should nurture. Just because your partner keeps you around to do the chores that need to be done, it is not caring. If he decides on loud TV when you want to sleep, he is not your best friend; in fact, he is no friend at all. If you are the only company he has, make sure it is his choice, not his need. And that the relationship is your choice, not your desperation.