Hurtful arrogance?

As we navigate the mess of living, there is so much we do and say that is unintentional, or, at the very least, unplanned or thoughtless.

Most people do not go about hurting other people as part of their style of being. I say 'most' because I know of a few, both dead and alive, who made it their business to give me pain. I have tried, and probably failed, at not hurting back. Generally, though, we do a disservice to others without meaning to. A thoughtless comment at the wrong time, a joke that seems funny to the deliverer alone, a derisive laugh at something important to another: the pangs of pain and anger we feel at the receiving end is usually just a reaction determined by our perspectives. The deliverer of the hurt may have never intended to hurt! Being circumspect in how you say things is a very overlooked virtue.

Everyone has a favourite virtue of their own, and everybody has a vice they want to steer clear of, always. For me, my most feared vice has been arrogance.

And, of course, you get what you fear.

A recent incident made me think about pride and vanity. How would you define pride? Good pride elevates thinking, increases tolerance, brings contentment and gratitude. You can be proud of your country's policies, your child's talents, a dear friend's beautiful home. You can also be proud of a project you completed well. You can even be proud of your emotional control; or of not having control. All that positivity adds value to your life.

But once the concentration shifts to you and your accomplishments, that pride becomes vain arrogance. Arrogance is hurtful — both to your soul and to others. Arrogance is not always grand. It could show as buying a house or a car that reflects not what you need, but what you want others to think of you. It can also be as simple as getting annoyed with people who do not host as you do, it can be just looking down at someone who does not believe what you believe. And from that arrogance comes self-righteous anger; and it is that anger that causes hurt. It is so wrong, and so insidious, that others can see it before you catch yourself. Arrogance chips away at your own happiness. Even if it is justifiable to you, any situation that does not fit your preset notions becomes untenable. You tend to take offence where none is meant, you try to find meaning when none is provided. And then you say or do things that are right only in your eyes. What invariably happens is hurt. To yourself or to others.

So we all need to take a step back and breathe. Especially if we accost something unbearably rude. It may feel like an insult, but is probably not meant to be. Not everyone can understand me, let alone be like me. Now, I don't know if what I just said is arrogance or pride. :D