True Strength

I do not accept the hogwash of 'getting stronger' as you go through life. I have already shared my thoughts on this in earlier write-ups. Life's slashes cut away at your will and joy. Those blows do not make you 'stronger'. It is because you are strong that you survived.

Today, I am just trying to define what strength actually means. To me, at least.

People usually confuse strength with rebellion or aggression, or being downright rude. Real strength is quiet and not easily displayed, and not easily shaken. Aggressiveness, whether bargaining at a farmer's market or explaining a viewpoint, is rank bullying. And that is something everyone – perpetrator and spectator – should be ashamed of.

Just as looking down on others does not raise your status, showing belligerence does not give you power. It just belittles you in ways you cannot realize.

Fortitude and peace arise from a place of deeply confident comfort with your self. It is rare, and it is an extraordinary blessing. It lies not only in holding onto your own values, but in developing, growing and adapting while keeping those foundational beliefs. It lies in being accepting of even drastically different views without disturbing your own.

True strength is also displayed in being ready to change. To change your support, your environment, a notion, or a belonging. A physical change like moving homes requires so much more than logistics – it requires open-mindedness, flexibility of thought and habit, a high-tensile capacity of the heart and soul. Changing your stand on political or religious opinions requires even more. It calls for a reset of psychological and emotional scaffolding. Your values of justice and fairness may demand you to switch from supporting a country, or a charity, or a lunch group. Following those values, however unpopular, is strength. It takes a tough mind to to move away from what you do not approve of.

Physical strength is much easier to achieve. Sometimes it is simply a matter of inherent health and good nutrition. If you can run a marathon, you are fit enough. There is no need to add more just 'to exercise'. I am so tired of people thinking they are strong and disciplined because they exercise. It is a silly waste of time if it is not required, and it is despicable capitulation to peer pressure if you do not enjoy it. The life-goals and work of Cristiano Ronaldo justifies his commitment to the gym. And there is only one of him. And even he admits that much of the discipline he practices is in the mind.

Vitality and brawn are wonderful, and require work, of course. But let's not confuse that with strength —that power only comes from the clarity of your purpose, from knowing your own heart and mind and listening to that above all else.

I swim to keep my weak muscles working, and because I love water. There is no way in hell you can make me walk for my figure, or to lift stupid things, or stop eating what I enjoy. I am in this world to live my life, not yours. I do not do numbers. The fact that any digits on any scale are nowhere on my mind's radar is liberating. I heal what I feel. I certainly will not waste time and effort to follow some magazine's gratuitously decided look, or a pharma company's new 'healthy' number. It takes a lot of patience (and strength! :D) to be nice in company when people use numbers as their state of being and their goals. It has never made sense to me.

That arbitrarily changing bar for colour, weight, size or blood pressure should not define how you feel or how you live. Of course, monitor your markings, take the medication. But learn to accept yourself, listen to what makes you happy. The malicious instructions the world is screaming will continue. New fads will always arise. New treatments will be developed for newly 'discovered' diseases and deficiencies. "Make your face fairer to be happy, chisel that nose to find true love, be a size x to get real friends, get a new phone for great photos to have real fun" — these are the ridiculous subliminal messages that are made to target the weak and mask real problems.

You need real strength to close that noise out and do what really needs to be done. Listen to yourself by quieting the outside. Be strong, for yourself, and for the world around you.

Do what you love

I quite hate George Bernard Shaw. For one reason only: I read a quote of his once – If you do not write for publication, there is little point in writing at all.

It had stuck with me, and deleteriously so. I would think of the results of my effort every time I wrote, and give up midway. Who will read this? Who will ever publish this? And even the Bhagwad Gita's exhortation to 'do my duty and not bother about the rewards' would not help.

So I wrote for my columns in Deccan Chronicle; I wrote for a fairy tale collection for a vanity publisher; I wrote for contests in which I knew I would be read, if not win. I wrote for a small children's magazine whose editor thought I was the second coming of Enid Blyton. I wrote and edited for a corporate entity's social arm.

But I kept a novel hidden on simmer, a memoir on 'someday', and so many stories on the back burner. Why write if no one wants it? And now it seems those ideas all lie burnt in my soul somewhere.

And so, my dear (single-digit) readers, I now plan to write everything I want to. For you. And for me, of course. Because I love to think in writing. Because I can figure out my thoughts as I write. Because I don't need to talk when I write. Because I have loved writing since I could read. I don't care if it is the most uninspiring mush that I am putting in words, or if it turns out to be a story or a thought that has been told earlier and better. There is amazing talent out there – published and hidden. It is a privilege to read their works, and I cannot pretend to be anywhere in their orbit. This is me just doing what I love: playing wordsmith, stringing sentences together in a language I have been more comfortable with than my own. Getting published, or even being read, is not the goal. There is no goal. 

It is in writing I find joy, and so I will write. Because we must do what we love. Not what needs to be done. Not what the ones we love need done. Not what is the right or safe thing to do. Just what WE love – however pointless, reckless, time-wasting or uncharacteristic it may seem. Whether it is diving into a book or the sea, whether is creating a beautiful table, or something to put on a table, whether it is sleeping or day dreaming – make sure you do what you love doing. It is one sure way to love yourself.

Life throws a lot of garbage our way – toxic people, horrible leaders, germs and pollution, loss and pain of all magnitudes. But if we hold on to that little spark within that keeps us wanting to breathe, we might just remain sane. Maybe even happy!

Among all the blessings of people we love and the things we cherish, we must recognise that one thing that adds the spark to our eyes and the lift in our steps. It is what we turn to, knowingly or unknowingly, to calm our minds, to ground our thoughts, to  heal our hurts. It is eventually the only medicine we need.