Thought for the week- ( posted on Facebook 7/13/23)

It seems to me sometimes that you cannot get away from lizards. And 'religious' people. People using distorted, and not-so-distorted tenets of religion to justify their laziness, their own biases, their own insecurities. That is of course fine; everyone has the choice to live and believe as they will. But I draw the line when they use that to preach, to alleviate their own guilt, to raise themselves by stomping others.

But preaching does not impress. Only practice does.

To show what you represent in its best form, you must be that. Whether we represent our faith, our community, our country, or our family, we simply have to be the best version of ourselves. It is not an on-occasion behavior, it is a developed constant habit. It is conscious decision to be and do what you really believe.

Kindness if the only way to teach anything, especially about our own belief system. And that is not possible without understanding and accepting another's. There is no way someone you look down upon will ever look up to you.

Heaven within grasp

 'A man's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a heaven for?' Robert Browning's insight has always touched my heart. Ah, heaven within reach, with effort and faith.  Heaven of course, being anything that we aspire to. That state of being that gives us peace and security. Or rather more of it. Something better than what you already have.

But, today, I look at it differently. The heaven we seek may seriously always be outside our reach. By definition, it probably is something we cannot get to. Unless striving for it is a joyful pursuit, maybe enjoying what is already yours is much more worthwhile. 

Ambition is always marketed as a positive attitude. It is not. The nobility of trying to do better, to be better, applies only to those whose circumstances are strained, who need to break out of shackles of injustice, oppression, or poverty. 

The one surety of life is that it ends. What is of paramount importance is that we live it in the now, with whatever it is that we have or don't. Moving ahead is great, but not at the cost of losing out on enjoying the present. Don't miss out on the joy of a cup of tea because you're waiting for the right biscuits (this weird example because I have done that).

Sometimes living in the present itself is act of faith, of gratitude. Definitely of strength. Our effort is always for the day; so should our reward be, and so should our focus.

We may exceed our grasp tomorrow, and find heaven for that day - only when it becomes our present. But it's so much more sensible to not try to reach for that unpromised future at the cost of the contentment today. There may be heaven already within our grasp.

The past has not passed

 I cannot deny I have a tremendous amount to be grateful for. Even right now, at this moment - the chai in my cup, the view from my window, the faculties that allow me to enjoy it,  the amazing people as neighbours (for that is a major blessing) -  I should be kneeling in awestruck thankfulness.  

But I am not. This was not the goal, as I never thought it possible, and the path to this point in time was never actually clear. Its strange how we move in life towards something we are certain of, and land up somewhere else entirely.

And that is the point of living - the path. My path, like many others I assume, was rife with doubts, disappointments, fear and pain. Whatever peace I have now, thank God, it has come after traversing difficult trails. So it is coloured with the trials of past. How can it be otherwise?

The past can never left behind because living it has made us who we are. What we have gone through, good or bad, defines what we think of the future. And how we react in the present.

I do not believe in letting go of the past (it is quite impossible). I believe in accepting it, by cherishing the good and dealing with bad. It is not a 'lesson to learn', it is an experience you have lived. Period. 

The brain does not differentiate between what is real and what is perceived, so every memory flash is actually happening again for you. Of course you can delight in happy memories anytime, but the bad ones sneak up too.

And sometimes they stay. When my daughter and I moved into this home, we realized after a year we were furnishing it only half-heartedly: not doing anything 'permanent' like putting nails in walls (so no wall décor) or finishing closets. After how our lives changed radically after losing my husband, both of us were working under the assumption that this would not last. That nothing nice stays forever. 

But it does. It is always there in your heart and mind. From the joke that made you laugh uncontrollably and does not anymore, to the breakfast with family that has dwindled with time, it is all there. For you, and for everyone who remembers - that breakfast happens anytime they want it to, in their own unique remembrance.

And so does every slash on your heart that should have killed you.  Nope, it does not make you stronger. A word, a situation, a smell, can bring that cascade of memories that recreate the trauma. You just keep getting better at dealing with it.

I do not see how the past will not matter in this world or the next. It happened. It may have passed, but it will always be there in your past. As much as you were there. Even being in Heaven is not going to undo it. Maybe there in the Hereafter we will be able to see beauty in the bad as we cherish the good parts again.

Quick thought

 Unseasonal, yet so soothing, this rumbling thunder.

Unbelievable, yet so lovely, this sunlight in the clouds.

Unreasonable, yet so real, this troubling lethargy.

Unassailable, yet so dampening, this pervasive peace.

Where you are is who you are

 

Who you are is directly tied to where you are. I feel that more strongly every time I come home to Hyderabad.

Very little is spoken of the rootlessness immigrants feel. However well we adjust, however grateful we are for our homes of choice, that indefinable sense of loss is always there. The loss of dreams and aspirations one always has with their place of birth. I will not even attempt to verbalize what refugees must feel- that pain of losing all semblance of a home must be devastating. I can only speak of what I feel. I am blessed to have homes in my two countries. And yet I don’t know where I actually belong. It takes a few months in one to start missing the other. The political situation in both countries just makes things more difficult. Which is worse? Where can still *stay* my home?

This restlessness is exacerbated when I travel back from one home to another. It takes a while for those roots find their way from my heart. It takes a few days to adjust looking for pens or spoons in places that exist in the other home. It takes another few days to get into the clothing, driving and behaving of the place. Takes a week to become the individual that belongs there.

It makes me think of how blessed are those who live their lives calling one place home. To grow and change with their city of birth, connected to all friends and family; and may be become the focus point for those that have moved away. I don’t think ‘aloneness’ is something they would identify with.

‘Aloneness’ has been a distressing development for me. It is the realization that your situation is so uniquely yours – your hopes, attachments, fears – that you are alone in dealing with them. Visiting family and friends I have grown up with is essential to my mental health. Yet each visit here seems to bring new sorrows now. Change marches on, slaughtering anything in its path. Styles die, rituals become outdated, connections fade away., loved ones pass away leaving an unfillable void. Even traditional homes that had brought that stab of joyful memories are cleared away for some mammoth eyesore. For those who live here it is the endemic growth of a city. I come in a year and see a stark change, and struggle to belong to this rapidly changing society. The comfort of people and conventions you have known all your life seems to be whittling away. Hyderabad was my default setting. The peace that I would feel once I stepped out of the airport is still there, but I find myself counting days to be back home in Orlando. Even with its very real, all-encompassing aloneness. So, is this still where I should be?

 

Stop Manufacturing Garbage

 I hate recycling. Especially plastic bags. I avoid using them to begin with, of course, but whatever little is not under my sink for reuse goes into regular garbage. Why?

Because plastic recycling, I believe, is a farce. It is something our society (and the plastic lobby) has come up with to keep feeling us good about our excessive consumption.  Plastic is in every part of living from toys and containers to brooms and décor. What I want to talk about is single-use plastic products, mainly bags and bottles. The very visually obvious source of pollution.

Household recycling does little to combat plastic pollution. About 50% goes to landfills, usually shipped to under-developed countries (such a neat idea, isn't it? 😠).  Only metal and glass are completely recyclable. And Thermocol is just poison, both for humans and the environment.

The products with wonderful labels that make us happy, and spend a little extra -  'this is made entirely from recycled bottles' - constitute about 9 % only. Yes, that bottle cap that sea gull is choking on - its yours. So every time I put plastic bottles in my blue bin, I feel like a fool.

The United States is the leading producer of plastic waste. For reference, India is not in the top ten, but single-use plastics are now banned. Biodegradable 'plastic' bags are common, and most people use cloth bags for shopping-  from groceries to jewelry. Ice-cream cups usually come with wooden or reusable (and very cute) steel spoons. 

Only change like that can be effective. You and I, and a thousand other consumers, however responsible, can not make a dent in the garbage going into our oceans. It has to be stopped at the production level. Why can't the manufacturers be forced to switch to compostable plastic? The technology is already there. Why don't all grocery chains simply use only paper bags? Trader Joe's does.

There is so much waste we create, and there is no perfect solution. After food, plastic is the largest component of landfills. And that does not account for all that is floating in Earth's waters. But we have an obvious and simple remedy: change the manufacturing rules. So why are we not committing to it?

At our individual level, we must make a lifestyle change, beyond filling those blue bins. Ask for paper bags at the grocery store. Use personal metal or glass bottles to carry drinking water. Switch to compostable serving products for those big get-togethers. I have. It is the only way I feel I am doing my part to save ourselves from being smothered in our own wasteful waste.

Pain

 The calluses on my heart

Brought in by grief and strife

Make pain for me a source of grace

Defining strength through sorrow 

And hope through surrender

Theses calluses on my heart

Redfine love through scars.

Loss and pain dont 'make you stronger if it does not kill you'. It just kills you. Piece by piece. Damage upon damage. Pain is just that- pain. It is not a character-building tool. It may help you understand another's, but that is a hard lesson. All you can do is learn to live with it. And maybe, if you are strong enough, eventully, grow with it.