Trauma

 

I was reading an article on post-traumatic growth. I have not heard such rubbish before. Its startling what ridiculousness gets published nowadays. Any idiot saying anything that sounds like a soundbite gets their day in digital ink.

 I never did give such supposed growth any validation for the simple yet glaring reason – no one wants to grow like that. No normal being at least. “Hey, let’s lose all your money, so you know, you can handle your feelings better next time you lose your home. Think positive.”

 I can’t even joke about losing someone you love. I have talked about it before here.

In the 19^th century, ‘philosopher’ Nietzsche came up with the ridiculous idea of ‘what does not kill you, makes you stronger’. And somehow, everyone has gotten on that bandwagon. People still walk around spewing the same illogical aphorism. Those, I believe, have not seen real adversity or fear.

If you have survived a life-changing, soul-killing loss, it changes you. You carry the hole in your being forever. You learn to live, softer maybe, but weakened forever. One goes through weakness of faith, of hope, of ambition, and even of physical and mental health. There is no ‘renewed appreciation’ of life; there is a reduced importance of everything in this ephemeral life. There is no new, uplifting gratitude for friends and family. You just understand, and are grateful for, those who stood by your side. 

What psychologists spin as ‘growth’ is just people dealing with the past and trying to get to the next day. It may be resilience, but I am certain that resilience was always there. It is not something the trauma created within them! Poverty, ill-health, oppression – is all ongoing, continual trauma. The strength is already there in people suffering through it. And it weakens them every day. How many spiritually flourishing refugees have you seen during the crisis?

The article clearly states that there is no proof, even anecdotal, of anyone getting better, in any way, because of undergoing a trauma. The best we can expect is for the trauma to wear off. If you are fortunate, you will still have the same friends, and the new fork in life will be pleasant. You will have a sharpened awareness of another’s pain. You will adapt, find meaning, even joy. But you will change forever.

That is not growth.