Changing Vistas

I live in Florida now. I have to keep reminding myself it is not a dream. Living beside a lake, albeit with a resident alligator, in a lovely home with a pool, seems more like a vacation to me than routine living.

The sunrise colors of the morning and the Disney fireworks at night are also a daily reminder of the path life has made me traverse to get to this. For every destination is a consequence of steps you have taken, or been made to take. Each moment you live is because of other moments you have acted upon, or reacted to. Each experience you have is a direct effect of  of the attitudes and opinions you have formed and developed through the years.

It has been tumultuous journey, and I am grateful it has been so much better than so many others whose life transitions involve the horrors of deprivation and war.

Nevertheless, all transitions are traumatic. Every change, especially one that you have never anticipated uproots you in many ways - physically of course, but emotionally and socially too. Making a voluntary change does not make it easier, especially if the purpose, like mine, was to simply rip away the old. Life's vicissitudes are tough, but they help you grow, and learn and see things in a new light every time. The  freshness one sees in the lay of the land, the food, the climate, in the smells and sounds of a new region, in the thinking and culture of a different set of people; it all adds a new dimension to your own person, and consciously or not, you grow to be better, more aware, more tolerant, more open-minded, more open-hearted. More accepting of what life has thrown at you.

I look with immense curiosity upon people who have had a relatively even sailing in life with no drastic changes, with things moving on their planned road-map at an even keel. The simple prospect of being born, living and dying in the same place must be comforting. To have the same familiar surroundings, to grow within your own city, to have around you all that you will ever know, and therefore ever want, right there, always. It must bring about a certain kind of peaceful stability. I am not sure, however if these smooth lives are a blessing. Is not being the same, however satisfactory, leaving you stagnant? And is not stagnancy the opposite of progress? On the other hand, is progress and growth worth it if they come with pain and stress?

I do not know if we would be content if the vistas and horizons we see through life remain the same, but we certainly would not know any better. We certainly would not appreciate real deep happiness when it comes, we certainly would have nothing to compare our lives to, or even our own older selves to. We would not learn to keep adapting, growing and learning. And yes, living.

Whether the lives we lead are more fulfilling with change, or more effective without it, we will only know if have lived them well. What you have been given is inconsequential, what you do with it is all that matters. I think it is easier to know what to do with life when you have seen more, felt more and experienced more. And for that, change, and a little tribulation, is necessary.

The Education Fraud

Today I was really riled up by Global Citizen's post : 'If girls would complete their primary education, maternal deaths would decrease by 70%'.

Someone please explain this daft statement to me because I cannot see how having completed high school will help a woman who has no access to a clean, well-equipped medical facility!

I think that is the stupidest oversimplification of a very serious social problem. What expectant mothers need is proper nutrition and support. They need medical care during and after the pregnancy, and during the birthing process. 

And that brings me to what I call the 'Education Fraud.' There has been this concerted effort by everyone in the 'do-good' field to make us believe that setting up schools is the answer to everything. From Malala's claims of how important education is to her country (it is, but so much more needs to be addressed before setting up schools) to people signing off parts of their paychecks to help some child learn his abcd's in a remote corner of the world, we all have bought into the concept of investing in schooling. It is great, but it is pointless if it is not predicated on more pressing priorities. And especially when we are already rethinking our entire learning system!

I was always irritated with Greg Mortenson's idea. It bothered me that he thought kids who were covering their frost-bitten feet with straw should be thrilled with the pencils he provided. The deprivation those children were experiencing, they would be thrilled with anything. Electricity, plumbing, water, maybe even chocolates.....? I will not accept that that the joy of learning something new (for it is a joy) is more important that basic human needs. And incomprehensible soundbites like the one that leads this write-up do not convince me. My cook's son goes to a school where where most of the students come from well-to-do families. Along with the theorems and grammar, he learns how disadvantaged he is and how different from his friends. He is a very unhappy child.

I work for an organization that sets up schools in under-resourced communities in Punjab. It is a unique model. All the children come from one community. Besides the basic food and clothing, we ensure that the children learn to express their hopes and fears. There is no set curriculum; the aim is to provide a safe nurturing environment for them to develop their potential.And teach them human values. It is not schooling as much as it is nurturing and support. The concentration remains on what they need, not what we would like them to have. That is the way to help the poor.

Poverty is a much more insidious evil than a simple lack of opportunity for the affected community. It affects the mindset of a people, it affects the spirit, it affects their thinking. Recent research proves it affects both mind and brain. More pertinently, it results in markedly uncomfortable living situations and limits people's access to facilities that everyone has a right to. Poverty is a disease, and it, like any other disease, has to be given the proper antidote. I can assure you that that antidote is not a pencil or a blackboard. 

About 805 million people of the 7.3 billion people in the world are suffering from chronic undernourishment. This is a 2015 UN statistic. Each one of these individuals, children and the mothers-to-be included, are hungry and afraid. Their main worry is how to fend off hunger pangs, where to get clean water from, and what livelihood to find that will sustain them. It is our collective responsibility to make food and stability a priority, for all people everywhere in the world. Education is only the next step. We should move to that step only after we have lived up to our humanity; after every individual in our race is safe from hunger and strife. It is not education but the freedom from hunger and oppression is the most basic human right that we absolutely must address. 

Bits of Heaven

Most of us lucky ones live many lives on our sojourn on earth. We assay many roles, we experience varying circumstances. We Live. And we make amazing memories while we do that.

My dad was a very senior doctor in the Indian Railways, and we traveled a lot - always in British Raj style. Of all the memories I have of that life, the holidays are the sharpest, and the most beautiful. A snapshot of  explaining murals on a lovely temple in Orissa to him, eyes scrunched against the sun, is probably clearer today in my mind than it was then.

Travel is a wonderful way to expand the mind. It teaches you about the place you visit, opens your mind to other cultures and people, tells you you can move, change and adapt. It is an entirely positive experience in most cases. Everyone likes to travel, some in any way, to anywhere, some with more specifications. For me, I would travel less, but travel well... really well. Four stars minimum. The fact that I cannot  bring myself to shell out for more than economy-class plane tickets is bad enough. But elitist compulsions aside, I believe travelling is a must for personal growth. A person who grows and dies in the place he is born in misses out on a lot. A lot of pain, maybe, but a lot of fun too. 

But I digress. I was talking of the memories that travel engenders. A holiday is a separate space in our lives. It is a time when we take out time for the 'unnecessary', when the routine, generic parts of living are given secondary place to the special, personal part. Precious taking precedence over the pressing. That itself makes it sacrosanct.

When we create memories with people we love in a different place, we make a personal landmark in time-space. A special time is created, a bubble in itself, indestructible. 

A trip to Orlando for the opening of Harry Potter Park is an indelible memory, easily revisited. The smiles, the frowns, the heat, the conversation. The silly guitar photo. Nothing that happens or will happen can change that. A big party at home becomes one of many, but the trip will remain unchanged through Time. The first time I swam with  Manta rays is as fresh today as it was then. I can feel the cold salt water, the rough scaly fin as it brushed me, the slowing of time, the meaninglessness of the world outside the water. Another bubble I can retreat to anytime.

That bubble is a reminder of who we are, of what we do, of what matters. It confirms that life has to be more than our earthly existence. We get little pieces of heaven in our experiences as we travel, and those are what we tuck away in our hearts and minds. Because every time we experience something new, see something beautiful, taste something fabulous, we know it cannot be meaningless. We know there is more. And we know that a lifetime is simply not enough - certainly not in this miserably limited existence. 

So when we are all standing in front of our Creator on the Day of Judgement, and he opens the gates to Heaven, (after all, does anyone think they might actually go to hell??) I am going to ask instead for the 6-star resorts on the beaches and mountains of all the worlds to travel around with the people I love. And yes, with the full dessert buffet. And if he has to do a bit of recreating... well, that will be one hell of a memory!

Do unto others as they would want you to do

So we are back to my favorite topic - charity. In a previous write-up, I discussed how giving away money from a stockpile of it is not necessarily noble. By extension, the concept also applies to giving away time when you have a lot of it on your hands.

But it is not so. Giving of yourself - effort, emotional attention and time - is much more difficult than writing a check, and requires real commitment. Our values are sorely tested when you have to take time out of an already full day to go do something to bring succor to someone else. It is easier if that person is someone you care about, so friends and family are a different story altogether. But when it is someone you do not even know, or even relate to well, it calls on every bit of strength in your belief system. It is also a great way to test your own commitment to a cause.

 As difficult  as it is to reach out to an individual you cannot really connect with, in sympathy or otherwise, it becomes just as important to accept them and their needs. And that is a crucial factor in philanthropy. I have heard the common dictum that talks of finding your own cause, something that you feel for. I think that is a really misguided notion.The cause should be where the need is most dire. Because helping where help is needed most is what charity is all about. I might think kids need to be in school, but what the kids really need is food and clothing first. I cannot give them a book instead of bread just so I can feel good about myself, or because I had that extra book to give away. That is a gift, not charity

Another important part is being non-judgmental when assessing need. Wondering why a needy family does not manage time better, or have fewer kids, or be less whiny is not a factor in deciding their need. Charity in its purest form must be unselfish, and that means your prejudices and opinions should be irrelevant to the act of giving.

I believe the defining nature of any charitable act is the establishment of a feeling of hope in the receiver. Hope is not just an optimistic wish, or a pleasant vision of the future. It is also a reflection of joy and satisfaction in the present. So when you fulfill an immediate need, or remove an imminent distress, it gives the person such relief that it translates to hope - hope in the present day for a better day tomorrow. And that is why it is imperative and unquestionable that we provide for the requirement, irrespective of what we think or have or want to contribute.

Altruism  is predicated on doing good for others. It does not include the right to decide what is good for them, or to classify their needs according to our priorities. Or to withhold charity because of the recipient's attitude. It was Mother Theresa who put it so lucidly, "It's not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving."  And how much effort, she may have well added.

Paris #‎JeSuisCharlie‬

Here we go again. Another attack on free thought by three depraved, maniacal cretins. 

It takes a special kind of evil to shoot in the head a police-officer already down on the ground. And a disconnect from any and all things human to walk into a building with the intention to kill. There is absolutely no justification, no meaning, no sense in those horrifying actions that led to such tragedy. 

I cannot even hold in my mind the image of a helpless, injured man, who took on the job to protect others, being shot by a murderous maniac. I cannot fathom what his family must be going through. I cannot even begin deconstruct the incident at the Charlie Hebdo office, where everyone was simply beginning their day's work. I cannot imagine the fear and pain the people in there went through.

But I can react to the chant of 'Allahu Akbar' (God is Great) that the murderers made sure everyone heard. It infuriates me that they would even invoke God. It distresses me that God did not rip their tongues out before they called out his greatness. For they have no right to be associated with God. They have no right to be associated with God's greatness. They have no right to be associated with humanity. And they certainly have no right to be associated with Prophet Muhammad.

Muhammad had gone to the home of a woman to check how she was doing, when she did not throw garbage on him as she did everyday, and offered to bring her something she might need. Muhammad ignored it when Meccans regularly placed filth on his back as he prostrated to pray. Muhammad forgave Hind for killing his beloved Uncle even though he could not bear to be around her. Muhammad forgave the people of a city that were extremely cruel to him, so cruel that an angel offered to crush the entire city for him. Muhmmad declared that one cannot sleep on a full stomach if the neighbor is hungry. Not Muslim neighbor, or poor neighbor, well-behaved neighbor, or child neighbor. Neighbor. All kinds, every one. Those are the stories of my Prophet. That is the religion he conveyed to us.

Muhammad would probably have simply laughed off the cartoons himself. And be confused by the attention he was getting. A majority of Muslims do just that.

The Quran is even clearer on responsibility of actions. We cannot 'punish' those we think are doing wrong.We cannot dictate anyone else's behavior, let alone beliefs. 'Say "Unto you your religion, unto me, mine" the Quran exhorts.

So when those freaks declared "God is great", they better know that they belong to nothing in this world, and will belong to nothing nice in the next. And when they screech out- God is great, I will just say - exactly.

Hold on tight!

So I was wondering what happened to those times when God parted the sea for Moses, when dreams instructed you on what to do, and things happened with one prayer? When God actually did respond, by speech or otherwise?

Now, communities pray together for relief but the world seems to be just getting worse everyday. Natural disasters, political agendas that lead to war, morally bankrupt societies, and really, really nasty people being admired.  It does seem like God has left us to ourselves, does it not?

That seems to be a very tempting explanation to accept, for it absolves us of any responsibility to try to be good, and to work according to our own nobler beliefs. Yes, if God does not care, why should we? 

It reminds me of a poem we had in school about God responding to man's complaint on why He seems so unresponsive and distant. God replies that the connection was cut by man himself, and He has always been waiting. I wish I remembered the poem. I knew even then that this would be an important lesson in my life. I believe that it is humanity that has lost the grip of God's rope, but it is still here, dangling right in front of our eyes (so to speak). We see miracles everyday. All we need to do is be cognizant of what we see and hear. Have you noticed how you hear from a friend just when you need something to ease your mind? Or how many times you narrowly miss hitting a car, or that kitchen knife that drops a few inches from your toe? The confluence of finding the perfect home and the resources to buy it? Good luck alone? I think not. 

We hear of a child being found 10 years after the Indonesian tsunami, we see a black man becoming a President in an inherently racist country, we see a neighbor walking her dog just when we need someone to administer the Heimlich maneuver. We see daily miracles everyday. But we have become blind to God's touch in our lives. I remember the first time I felt the direct connection with divine help. My daughter broke her finger and we went to this doctor who was professional enough to admit that it was too complicated for him,and put us on to the best hand specialist there is. He was close by, and had an open appointment! Her finger today is perfect. Sounds regular and routine? My friend's son went through exactly the same break . Same bone, same finger, same hand, but because of a different game. It took two years of treatments and he still has problems with his hand. So just serendipity? Nope.

My husband had almost decided to move to India. He was in India to sign his acceptance, when he changed tracks and opted to take up an offer in Seattle instead. We packed up and moved across the country, instead of across the globe. His cancer was detected within a year of moving. We had access to one the best cancer care centers of the world here. And finally, to the best hospice care. Not to mention the company he worked for out turned out to be more supportive than family! Through the pain and the fears, the blessings came too, fast and furious - every time we needed them, exactly what we needed. There is definitely a 'God's plan', unchangeable, irreversible, unimpeachable, even if we can never understand it. And if the plan entails that He gives you a terrible time, he gives you the wherewithal to deal with it.

Outside ourselves there is so much we can try to explain away - coincidence, good planning, no-other-option scenarios - but the things we take for granted within us are nothing short of inexplicably wondrous. There is so much in our own bodies that we do not control - breathing is involuntary, the heartbeat is involuntary, and the brain is still a mystery to neuroscience. So waking up every morning with your senses intact is a miracle in itself. It took me a while to understand this. Of course I knew the science behind it. But even knowing how it all works does not explain why it works. And that is precisely why cloning or stem-cell research does not bother me at all, and should not worry anyone with a belief in a higher power. Man can put together the cells, organs probably, and maybe even limbs but it will not be a person. Life is not structural. It is not even biochemical. It is... well, miraculous. And that is beyond the purview of man's capabilities. I will be delighted if we can just put together a clump of cells specialized enough to use to heal ourselves. 

But all that is physical, which is the most banal, most inconsequential aspect of humanity. Our emotions, our feelings, our spirit is what defines us. If we learn to accept that real self in us and others, we see more miracles than the unlikely cures and NDEs. We hear of people happy in terrible circumstances, we see a prisoner with an 'unconquerable soul' having no bitterness towards his oppressors, we understand why we immediately feel better in good company, we experience how laughter does actually heal the soul. We realize how hanging onto a hope actually makes what we hope for happen. And I am not talking of some vague abstract thoughts put across by a guru. These are events that have actually occurred. These happen everyday, everywhere. I know of them in my life, and see them in others'. You need to open your eyes to see it in yours too. Open your mind and heart, and hold on tight.

Hold on to that rope that is always just a grasp away. Just hanging on to His rope is enough. It will take us through lessons and trials, though joys and delights. It will carry us through the darkness to where he wants us to be. And that is not going to be a bad place.

We Present Us

I have been hearing about extravagant weddings that make me wince. I know of vacations that create more stress than relaxation because the purpose was to be 'seen' on vacation. Our lives somehow get dictated by the kind of Facebook status we can whip up. Going to a fancy restaurant is more to 'check in' with friends than enjoy that great food and service.

I have noticed that the more people are fixated on appearances, the less they have within themselves to get to know. Once you look past that well-designed shell, there is nothing to interact with. And being fond of shoes or spas is not what I am talking about. We can enjoy the feel of silk in our clothes and delight in that exclusive piece of art we bought. That is one of the few joys of life. What is not right is when we do it only to be seen. We wear what we think other people think we should. We buy what we think should be in our possession. It must be a very stressful life when what we are is a constantly changing image of what we imagine others would like. The amusing part is that nobody outside actually cares. People are either too busy dealing with how they look themselves, or have grown above that. Either way, how you present yourself is not in their radar. There will always be that scum of society that is watching only to fault others, but that section of humanity (using the term loosely) requires another write-up!

It does not matter how much money we have. Once we are rooted to our values​, we are comfortable with who we are. And access to wealth, or cutting off from it, does not change us. Of course,​a change in our financial situation bring​s about major changes in the way we live. A reduction in income necessitates a cutback on things earlier taken for granted, and a substantial increase may bring about a lighter watch on the credit card. But it does not affect what we like, or what we want from life.

Warren Buffet, one of the world's wealthiest men, lives in the same three-bedroom house he bought early in life because it still fits his needs and wants. He lives in an average home, in spite of the wealth he has. And I still want to buy an island, in spite of my lack of wealth. :)

There is a distinct difference between buying something we want and buying something we think we should have. And understanding that difference requires a maturity that is not common. It is a maturity that comes from knowing yourself, respecting yourself, and accepting who you are. The best way to get to that state is to shut ourselves off from opinions of those who do not matter to us. We can learn to listen to our own real needs when we can disconnect with the clamour of the world telling us what we should want. When we present ourselves to the world as we are, the stark reality and uniqueness adds not only to our own worth, but also to the world's.