Counting blessings

With the festival of Eid-al-Adha this weekend, and the day of Hajj the day before, prayer has been on our minds. I, on the other hand, don’t care.

I was wondering how merciful God really is. I mean, shouldn’t I have been born and lived on an island in Greece or Italy if he was really kind? And then shouldn’t everyone been born where they belonged, born free, born into the situations they wanted?

Why does the Creator not do that? Why create if not to bring joy? 

Then I begin to count my blessings- literally. So all problems, all loss, all angst, all failures, all broken dreams - all are wiped off by the miraculous blessing of having my daughter. 

So I have to shut up complaining. Somewhat. 

Because if he can do that- create and give me Rasha- why not all the much-smaller blessings I crave? 

Religion is largely dependent on our birth. Parents and place determine it almost always. There are few who look for answers and solace beyond what they were taught, and choose a path that works for them. Just like choosing a country to belong to, claiming your attitude to living (for, what is religion but the way you deal with life and death?) is much stronger and more profound.

Either way, it is very personal. Most of us do not realise how individualistic religious belief is. No two people have the same relationship with God. Even if it is the same group of principles, every person practices the tenets in a distinct way. The intensity of faith, commitment to belief, emphasis of a particular part or ritual, or a favourite prayer: it marks that uniqueness like a fingerprint.

For me, the holy month of Ramadan is important because of the social aspects - the special foods, the get togethers, the sharing, the giving, the forgiving. My version of God does not limit answering prayers in a particular month. He answers when asked. (not most of mine of course - but that is another topic, another major grouse)

I will not go into oppression, war, hunger, and psychopathy. That is failure of Man, not of any divine deity. It is we, as humanity, who have been unable to share, care, and correct.  Banding ourselves into illogical groups on skin colour, spoken language, personal belief, passport. What will it be next- style of laughter? Will we be politicising tone of voice, or bone density? 

Anyway, as I begin in my effort be thankful and to drag out some Divine mercy for me, I shall budget and plan a trip to soak myself in Aegean waters. And I am, in an invictus-kind-of-way, grateful that I can. 

Do unto others as they would want you to do

So we are back to my favorite topic - charity. In a previous write-up, I discussed how giving away money from a stockpile of it is not necessarily noble. By extension, the concept also applies to giving away time when you have a lot of it on your hands.

But it is not so. Giving of yourself - effort, emotional attention and time - is much more difficult than writing a check, and requires real commitment. Our values are sorely tested when you have to take time out of an already full day to go do something to bring succor to someone else. It is easier if that person is someone you care about, so friends and family are a different story altogether. But when it is someone you do not even know, or even relate to well, it calls on every bit of strength in your belief system. It is also a great way to test your own commitment to a cause.

 As difficult  as it is to reach out to an individual you cannot really connect with, in sympathy or otherwise, it becomes just as important to accept them and their needs. And that is a crucial factor in philanthropy. I have heard the common dictum that talks of finding your own cause, something that you feel for. I think that is a really misguided notion.The cause should be where the need is most dire. Because helping where help is needed most is what charity is all about. I might think kids need to be in school, but what the kids really need is food and clothing first. I cannot give them a book instead of bread just so I can feel good about myself, or because I had that extra book to give away. That is a gift, not charity

Another important part is being non-judgmental when assessing need. Wondering why a needy family does not manage time better, or have fewer kids, or be less whiny is not a factor in deciding their need. Charity in its purest form must be unselfish, and that means your prejudices and opinions should be irrelevant to the act of giving.

I believe the defining nature of any charitable act is the establishment of a feeling of hope in the receiver. Hope is not just an optimistic wish, or a pleasant vision of the future. It is also a reflection of joy and satisfaction in the present. So when you fulfill an immediate need, or remove an imminent distress, it gives the person such relief that it translates to hope - hope in the present day for a better day tomorrow. And that is why it is imperative and unquestionable that we provide for the requirement, irrespective of what we think or have or want to contribute.

Altruism  is predicated on doing good for others. It does not include the right to decide what is good for them, or to classify their needs according to our priorities. Or to withhold charity because of the recipient's attitude. It was Mother Theresa who put it so lucidly, "It's not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving."  And how much effort, she may have well added.