Counting blessings

With the festival of Eid-al-Adha this weekend, and the day of Hajj the day before, prayer has been on our minds. I, on the other hand, don’t care.

I was wondering how merciful God really is. I mean, shouldn’t I have been born and lived on an island in Greece or Italy if he was really kind? And then shouldn’t everyone been born where they belonged, born free, born into the situations they wanted?

Why does the Creator not do that? Why create if not to bring joy? 

Then I begin to count my blessings- literally. So all problems, all loss, all angst, all failures, all broken dreams - all are wiped off by the miraculous blessing of having my daughter. 

So I have to shut up complaining. Somewhat. 

Because if he can do that- create and give me Rasha- why not all the much-smaller blessings I crave? 

Religion is largely dependent on our birth. Parents and place determine it almost always. There are few who look for answers and solace beyond what they were taught, and choose a path that works for them. Just like choosing a country to belong to, claiming your attitude to living (for, what is religion but the way you deal with life and death?) is much stronger and more profound.

Either way, it is very personal. Most of us do not realise how individualistic religious belief is. No two people have the same relationship with God. Even if it is the same group of principles, every person practices the tenets in a distinct way. The intensity of faith, commitment to belief, emphasis of a particular part or ritual, or a favourite prayer: it marks that uniqueness like a fingerprint.

For me, the holy month of Ramadan is important because of the social aspects - the special foods, the get togethers, the sharing, the giving, the forgiving. My version of God does not limit answering prayers in a particular month. He answers when asked. (not most of mine of course - but that is another topic, another major grouse)

I will not go into oppression, war, hunger, and psychopathy. That is failure of Man, not of any divine deity. It is we, as humanity, who have been unable to share, care, and correct.  Banding ourselves into illogical groups on skin colour, spoken language, personal belief, passport. What will it be next- style of laughter? Will we be politicising tone of voice, or bone density? 

Anyway, as I begin in my effort be thankful and to drag out some Divine mercy for me, I shall budget and plan a trip to soak myself in Aegean waters. And I am, in an invictus-kind-of-way, grateful that I can. 

Those who do nothing

It is a well- known quote -  "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing." I believe that those that do nothing are not good anyway. 

We have all known at least one person who has displayed lesser mind and a harder heart than we expected. We have all learnt to relegate some 'friends' in our social circle to the 'smile and ignore' section of our awareness. 

But it becomes difficult to smile, or ignore, a person's total lack of empathy for human suffering. Yes, there is too much to deal with at times. Yes, we are individually helpless in alleviating pain and hunger. However we can talk about it, we can donate our time and money, we can make our voices heard. At the very least, we can try. And maybe we will never make a dent in helping women in Afghanistan, or school all the children in a refugee camp. But we can be nice the kid to the car wash, we can stop by for chat with a lonely neighbor. We can help by changing the energy around us. 

Even that little brightening of someone's day will help. Because everyone, everywhere, needs a pick-me-up. The world is in a mess, and oppression is widespread - political, or cultural, in small villages, or in entire countries, sometimes simmering, sometimes smoldering. But never ceasing. I am not proffering any political solutions, I am only trying to figure out our reactions.

I think when we are confronted with our helplessness in the face of a horrific reality of oppression, injustice, violence, we react in two ways. One, we turn away. 'Not my problem. What can I do anyway.' This is, of course, very wrong. Everyone can do something. We manifest. We add to the global awareness. We wish. We make a tiny ripple in our sphere of existence. There is nothing that is 'not my problem' anymore. Karma is real. Thigs across the world will affect you. Sooner than later.

Two, we hate. That strong feeling directs all the negativity to the 'villain'. The more we expand that hate, the more powerful it makes us feel. The more 'right' it makes us feel. This is a dangerous path to be on. Because hate corrodes us, it breaks down the morality we have built for ourselves. And it never solves anything. Not even in our limited  personal sphere. It is ok to let the anger come. Anger propels action. But action must help solve and resolve, not hurt or punish. 

Whether we need to shake off apathy, or dispel hate, whether we discuss with friends or participate in protest marches, we must do. We cannot pretend to be oblivious of the pain people are going through. Facile acceptance of a distressing situation just because it is not our state, is tantamount to compliance. It is selfish, irresponsible and immoral. And that is worse than apathy or hate.

Home is where....

We have all heard it, and known it. Home is where the heart is.

But the heart is very fickle. Our ideas and our needs change as we traverse the rough roads of life.
So where is home? Does it change as we make new friends,build new relationships, identify favorite stores? Can we be at home in more than one place? 

I sometimes envy people who have had the privilege of living their whole lives where they were born. It must be so easy to feel at home always, to grow with your city, suburb or village, to continue with old hangouts and old friends. How comfortable it must be to belong so unconditionally, to be rooted so strongly. 

I am torn at times because I love both my homes, India and the US, equally. And I miss being in one when I am in the other for too long. It is a privilege I am keenly aware of and grateful for.

But today the political climate in both homelands is unstable. Intolerance encouraged for political benefit has, as always, created strife and instability for the general population. Hate sears all in its path, it scars even those who are not its target. Unleashing injustice against one community or one particular section of society makes everyone insecure and unsafe.  I cannot even begin to discuss how very wrong it is to selectively oppress one section of the country's people. I am only pointing out one practical ramification .I notice that evil people are also stupid. They cannot see that history shows that every time hate or oppression or aggravation motivates action, entire countries suffer. Or maybe that is exactly what they want. 

Home is eventually where you feel safe. Safe in your person and property of course, but more importantly safe in your beliefs, values and priorities. Home is where you feel comfortable expressing yourself, learning and growing to be able to contribute to society. If that security is not being provided to a community in my country, it is definitely, eventually, whether I accept it or not, going to make me insecure too.

And that makes me wonder- do I need to look for another home now?

Ode to Friendship

I spoke today with a friend. And my whole day has already brightened. I have not known her for long, and we do not even meet or chat as often as we like. But I know she is there for me, and I hope she believes that about me too. That got me thinking of friendship.

What elevates us from animals, for there are very few things in which we are above brute animals, is not technology, intellect, or silly things like cooking our food - it is our ability to foster long-term relationships of a very wide spectrum; of which friendship is the noblest and rarest.

It is often pointed out that though we cannot choose family, we do choose our friends. I believe we do not chose friends. They happen. You meet the person you need at that special point in your life.

That friend you grew up with who, even today, is as easy to be with as air. School friends reconnecting after years, and bonding even more deeply. The friends who suddenly come into your life to step in and help you rise from the ashes. The friends you make while chatting at a warehouse. The real friends you make on Facebook. The friends who live in the neighborhood of your new home. The friends who begin as co-workers and become a part of not only your life, but of who you are.

They are an inalienable part of, and the joy of, living my life.

So how would one describe friendship? It is knowing that the person in the other part of the equation values you as much as you value her or him. It is complete acceptance and understanding the core person; it is a comfort level that does not change with seasons of status and age, or with the vicissitudes of life and the distances it puts between friends at times. That is the most beautiful thing about friendship- distance and time do not matter. You pick up where you left off. Or not at all, and just start afresh.

Deep friendships require very little work, and it is the fortunate who have those. But friendship is essential in any relationship. You cannot be a good parent, child, sibling, spouse or coworker unless you are also friends.

I have many people I care for, in my family and outside, and can give them no greater compliment than that they are my friends.

“The language of friendship is not words but meanings.”

-Henry David Thoreau