Love your roots

 

The other day I overheard a conversation between two men from my countries.  (yes, 'countries'- for whatever my passport says, I am both Indian and American) The American was telling his co-traveler that he would really like to visit Mumbai some day. My upcoming smile froze midway when I heard the Indian respond 'Oh you will get robbed'. I was too shocked to actually say all the things I wanted to – and I still regret not having said anything.

 

Mumbai is one of the safer urban cities on the planet. Of course there is crime. It is bound to be any place where there is a stark difference in the lower and upper income groups. Newark scares me even in the day and I still would not tell a potential tourist that it is guaranteed he will get hurt. There are valid arguments that crime in India is under reported, but my gripe is with the assured 'you will be robbed' statement. Even if Mumbai was such a scary place, and even if we give him the benefit of doubt and chalk up his reaction to a very bad experience – why would he put his own country down? For every pickpocket on the street, there are hundreds of poor rickshaw-walas who return dropped wallets.

 

Whatever may have been desi uncle's reasons, it got me thinking about a disturbing tendency I notice among some immigrant families. There is marked conscious effort to dismiss one's roots as inconsequential. To them, it is savvy and smart to distance oneself from where they are from. Certainly, a natural dissociation may come after generations of living away from a place or people, but that is a natural progression. But even that does not warrant demeaning our heritage and relationships. Belittling our place of origin does not make us look better, it only shows how little we respect ourselves.

 

I realize migrating to a culture that is very different from the one we inherit lays considerable stress on a person’s bearing. We question the new notions that we accost of course, but we also challenge old assumptions. Our very identity eventually needs to be reworked so that we fit in comfortably not only with the outside, but also within our skins. But in no way can that development be aided by holding one's own countrymen in contempt. To say buying off the thelas (street carts) on the street is not exactly salubrious is one thing, to jest about those who may not afford better, or know better, is another. (Personally, I still maintain nothing can beat the flavour of thela sugarcane juice). To accept that your child will not converse well in your native language is one thing, to flaunt this lack of understanding as a source of pride is disgusting. Speaking in a non-native language (that too not very well, I may add) is not a badge of honour!

 

So what is it that makes one person a sensible immigrant and another a joke? I have had the pleasure of knowing many grounded immigrants from all over the world. Irrespective of the part of the world they come from, all successful, happy immigrants – and I mean successful psychologically and emotionally – have one common factor – they respect their home countries for whatever they are. I am not going to say India is the cleanest place in the world, but it surely has one of the most hospitable people.

 

We are all citizens of the world. And where we get to live is mostly a result of circumstance. So if we get to settle down in a new place, it does not give us the right to trash our birthplace, or that of our parents’. An officer at US immigration was telling us how it is not possible, and certainly not expected, that you disconnect your heritage. A new loyalty does not require repudiation of everything that was before.

 

Let’s face it. You do not feel better by putting down someone else. Similarly, you cannot make yourself look better by putting down something that is forever a part of you. Who we are is inextricably linked to where we are from, and if we cannot recognize any substantial good in our origins, we will be unable to be of benefit wherever we end up. Immigrants are unique, and we add immense value to our new countries because we have the culture and learnings of our birth countries. But we can never be comprehensively integrated and happy if we cannot appreciate the best of where we come from. The tree only flourishes when the roots are alive, acknowledged and nourished. Love your roots as much as your fruits.

Those who do nothing

It is a well- known quote -  "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing." I believe that those that do nothing are not good anyway. 

We have all known at least one person who has displayed lesser mind and a harder heart than we expected. We have all learnt to relegate some 'friends' in our social circle to the 'smile and ignore' section of our awareness. 

But it becomes difficult to smile, or ignore, a person's total lack of empathy for human suffering. Yes, there is too much to deal with at times. Yes, we are individually helpless in alleviating pain and hunger. However we can talk about it, we can donate our time and money, we can make our voices heard. At the very least, we can try. And maybe we will never make a dent in helping women in Afghanistan, or school all the children in a refugee camp. But we can be nice the kid to the car wash, we can stop by for chat with a lonely neighbor. We can help by changing the energy around us. 

Even that little brightening of someone's day will help. Because everyone, everywhere, needs a pick-me-up. The world is in a mess, and oppression is widespread - political, or cultural, in small villages, or in entire countries, sometimes simmering, sometimes smoldering. But never ceasing. I am not proffering any political solutions, I am only trying to figure out our reactions.

I think when we are confronted with our helplessness in the face of a horrific reality of oppression, injustice, violence, we react in two ways. One, we turn away. 'Not my problem. What can I do anyway.' This is, of course, very wrong. Everyone can do something. We manifest. We add to the global awareness. We wish. We make a tiny ripple in our sphere of existence. There is nothing that is 'not my problem' anymore. Karma is real. Thigs across the world will affect you. Sooner than later.

Two, we hate. That strong feeling directs all the negativity to the 'villain'. The more we expand that hate, the more powerful it makes us feel. The more 'right' it makes us feel. This is a dangerous path to be on. Because hate corrodes us, it breaks down the morality we have built for ourselves. And it never solves anything. Not even in our limited  personal sphere. It is ok to let the anger come. Anger propels action. But action must help solve and resolve, not hurt or punish. 

Whether we need to shake off apathy, or dispel hate, whether we discuss with friends or participate in protest marches, we must do. We cannot pretend to be oblivious of the pain people are going through. Facile acceptance of a distressing situation just because it is not our state, is tantamount to compliance. It is selfish, irresponsible and immoral. And that is worse than apathy or hate.

A neighbor's light

 Sometimes just seeing lights in a neighbor's home can be immensely comforting. To know there is friend around. To know there is life going on at least a bit normally. To know that if the darkness does overwhelm you, you can walk to that light for comfort.

I am blessed with amazing people who live close to me - in both my homes. Late last night, as the lights went on next door, I was grateful for that simple sign of  'it's ok'. 

We underestimate how deeply the wellbeing of our neighbors is tied to ours. We share a small space of the earth, and that makes us one tribe, sharing the advantages and problems that are unique to that shared space. Physical proximity creates a bond that can be a strong source of support and happiness. In today's worried, frightened world, it is finally our tribe that makes all the difference. Family and friends will always have their place of unassailable importance in our lives, but the joy and serenity of having a good neighbor is priceless. 

I have been immensely fortunate in having friends for neighbors. I only hope I can reciprocate a modicum of the gladness they bring into my life.

 

So, this is what I cannot understand.

When people chose a leader what is their qualifying priority? Do they look for someone who is good, proper, decent? Or someone who will benefit them?

What are the qualities that define the person who gains their vote?

Earlier, I believed most people simply voted along party lines, or along their preference to change the status quo. Now I realize people vote according to who they are. And the elected define what our society is ready to become.

Ideally, we must expand our thinking and consciousness beyond a petty ‘me’. Picking a candidate for your taxes or something personal is just wildly selfish. This is the President of the country you are voting for. We need to see the big picture. We must think of the communities in need of change, the future and growth of the nation, and our standing in the world.

I understand some people cannot look or feel (or even know of anything!) beyond the narrow confines of their own homes. And well, ignorance is not a crime. So they vote on ‘I will get this break with this guy’s policies.’ That is fine too.

Where that stops being acceptable is when with the break you get, some other person is being victimized. Or when that candidate is dangerously inept or morally bankrupt (or, in the world we live in, both).

I will support the candidate who is knowledgeable, who uses his resources to bring people together, who tries make the world safer. In the worst-case scenario – who at least appears to.

When I moved to the US in 1999, I chose to be a democrat, simply because I liked Bill Clinton. I voted for Obama; well, who wouldn’t? (apparently plenty, sadly). I voted for Hillary of course. And I was so sure that even people who disliked her could see the thing she was running against. Wrong again, though she did get the most votes.

I remember one of my cousins saying stupidly that I was a democrat only till I became ‘rich’ because the taxes would make me lean republican. I am not going into the economics of the different parties because I am not qualified to make a judgment based on that. But I don’t need to, because that is not a part of the criteria for choosing my leader.

 I make a judgement on WHO the person running is. Period. And whatever party it is, whatever your benefits are, whatever your faith is, you cannot condone what that person presently sitting in the White House does. God cannot be approving of that. God does not need help to do what He wills. And we on earth certainly don’t need the hate and divisiveness brought about in the last four years.

It is important that we have a leader who does not mock the disabled, who does not talk like a lecher, and who can string together a coherent sentence. This is the very basic necessary requirement of anyone standing for office. It is not up for debate. It should not even have been needed to be addressed. We have eliminated people from the political stage for misspelling words, for inappropriate celebratory shrieks.

How much lower have we fallen that basic civilized propriety needs to be asked for?

 The still morning

The splash in the lake
The symphony of bird calls
The day promises
A renewed pursuit of hope
With the peaceful unity
Of sound and light.

Home is where....

We have all heard it, and known it. Home is where the heart is.

But the heart is very fickle. Our ideas and our needs change as we traverse the rough roads of life.
So where is home? Does it change as we make new friends,build new relationships, identify favorite stores? Can we be at home in more than one place? 

I sometimes envy people who have had the privilege of living their whole lives where they were born. It must be so easy to feel at home always, to grow with your city, suburb or village, to continue with old hangouts and old friends. How comfortable it must be to belong so unconditionally, to be rooted so strongly. 

I am torn at times because I love both my homes, India and the US, equally. And I miss being in one when I am in the other for too long. It is a privilege I am keenly aware of and grateful for.

But today the political climate in both homelands is unstable. Intolerance encouraged for political benefit has, as always, created strife and instability for the general population. Hate sears all in its path, it scars even those who are not its target. Unleashing injustice against one community or one particular section of society makes everyone insecure and unsafe.  I cannot even begin to discuss how very wrong it is to selectively oppress one section of the country's people. I am only pointing out one practical ramification .I notice that evil people are also stupid. They cannot see that history shows that every time hate or oppression or aggravation motivates action, entire countries suffer. Or maybe that is exactly what they want. 

Home is eventually where you feel safe. Safe in your person and property of course, but more importantly safe in your beliefs, values and priorities. Home is where you feel comfortable expressing yourself, learning and growing to be able to contribute to society. If that security is not being provided to a community in my country, it is definitely, eventually, whether I accept it or not, going to make me insecure too.

And that makes me wonder- do I need to look for another home now?

COVID co-care

No, we are not all in the same boat. But in this world where nothing and no one is independent and isolated, our boats are affected by the troubles, and joys, of others. As we face a common foe, each one of us is in a predicament all our own, yet we each have capacity to help make things better.

Without her job, Jane in New York does not know if she can buy milk for her children next week, while Shahana in Texas is fighting boredom by checking memes and munching muffins. Akbar in Hyderabad has no way to go to city to buy stuff, let alone earn a living from his autorickshaw, and Vicky in Palm Beach stands on exhausted legs bagging groceries for others before she can pick her own drastically budgeted groceries. Big Tomato Farm is burying onions and tomatoes by the tons and is eligible for the government handout, and John stands in line for hours to get a warm meal for the day. Helen, 43, is struggling to breathe in England while Lin, also 43, recovers slowly in Singapore. David in Orlando must stay home because of his COPD and heart disease, while Peter from next door must get to work at the hospital even after a night up with a colicky baby.  A leader in Europe puts the comfort and safety of her people first, another on another continent postures moronically, and another elsewhere distracts with mindless clapping.

The enemy is hitting us all and we don’t have the tools to fight back. What we do have is the ability to support each other with our most important strength – being there for each other. Don’t play the blame game. Don’t let ‘news’ dictate your feelings and negate your better principles. Stay home to support our front lines, reach out to neighbors in need, spend a little more to help others. Be unselfish, be strong. Now, more than ever, it is essential that we don’t lose our basic humanity. Whatever our differences –economic, intellectual, or social status – let us lend a hand wherever we can, even if must stretch a little.  (I will not even qualify religion as a category of difference – that is not a human situation. It is the same as categorizing people by the colours they like!!)

 We don’t have to be in the same boat to be there for each other. But in this roiling sea where balance is key, our boats will collapse too if we cannot keep others afloat.