This has been festering inside me for sometime. The way some people base their entire perception of a person based on his or her shape. It is making me really intolerant of such people. I guess that is why my parents said I should stay away from bad company. They probably sensed that such superficial empty-headed people could potentially bring out a violent me.
We are all made of different colors and different shapes. For the most part, it cannot be changed. Physical appearance is not what we should focus on anyway. Certainly not someone else's. I have had friends who have insisted that we 'must' do something about my daughter's looks. For no other reason than that they think it is better if she is thinner, or has better skin or wears 'other' clothes. It took a lot of control for me not to foam at the mouth. Years of culturally-ingrained hospitality ensured that I kept smiling. But I can mouth off now.
First, there is nothing 'wrong' with her. She is healthy and happy. More importantly, she has more brains and heart than any other young woman I have ever known. And she has immense patience. And scarily calm level-headedness when things get tough. She is honest to a fault, and very loyal to those she cares about. Her span of reading matches her awareness and knowledge of the world around us. She is fantastic company, with both her friends, and my oldies. And her flexibility in yoga class infuriates my stiff self. So excuse me if I am not impressed by your daughters spending more time in front of the mirror than is normal. Or by their obsession of what goes in their mouths even though they are magazine-approved. Of course, you have the right to be happy with that, but don't force that vision onto us.
Second and very pertinent: She will change what she wants to, when she wants to. For herself, and maybe for the man she will love. Though I do think he will need to be either Captain America or Cristiano Ronaldo if he asks her to.
I think that the culture of having a publicly-approved body shape is more dangerous than we realize. I have read that the 'fat-bias' in the medical field is leading to many missed and mis-diagnoses. It is, however, the 'beauty' concept that is more insidious because it is dangerously 'acceptable'. Having only one set of socially-approved looks plays havoc with impressionable minds, and damages them for life. How about looking up to having one particular set of skills, even a la-Liam Neeson in Taken? (see the violent side coming up?) But that is another blog entirely.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying changing your looks is a bad thing. I plan to dye my hair blue some day when I am brave enough, and regularly color it a shade redder than I was born with. I am also trying to make sure my jowls do not touch my shoulders. I do believe that change is what keeps life, and us, interesting. Hair, clothing style, new exercise patterns, and yes, even weight-loss done right. Its great to want to look younger, fresher, more attractive. But if it is dominating your thoughts and your day, something is deeply wrong. And if you are opening your trap to give someone else unwanted instructions, it is simply criminal.
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