Hold on tight!

So I was wondering what happened to those times when God parted the sea for Moses, when dreams instructed you on what to do, and things happened with one prayer? When God actually did respond, by speech or otherwise?

Now, communities pray together for relief but the world seems to be just getting worse everyday. Natural disasters, political agendas that lead to war, morally bankrupt societies, and really, really nasty people being admired.  It does seem like God has left us to ourselves, does it not?

That seems to be a very tempting explanation to accept, for it absolves us of any responsibility to try to be good, and to work according to our own nobler beliefs. Yes, if God does not care, why should we? 

It reminds me of a poem we had in school about God responding to man's complaint on why He seems so unresponsive and distant. God replies that the connection was cut by man himself, and He has always been waiting. I wish I remembered the poem. I knew even then that this would be an important lesson in my life. I believe that it is humanity that has lost the grip of God's rope, but it is still here, dangling right in front of our eyes (so to speak). We see miracles everyday. All we need to do is be cognizant of what we see and hear. Have you noticed how you hear from a friend just when you need something to ease your mind? Or how many times you narrowly miss hitting a car, or that kitchen knife that drops a few inches from your toe? The confluence of finding the perfect home and the resources to buy it? Good luck alone? I think not. 

We hear of a child being found 10 years after the Indonesian tsunami, we see a black man becoming a President in an inherently racist country, we see a neighbor walking her dog just when we need someone to administer the Heimlich maneuver. We see daily miracles everyday. But we have become blind to God's touch in our lives. I remember the first time I felt the direct connection with divine help. My daughter broke her finger and we went to this doctor who was professional enough to admit that it was too complicated for him,and put us on to the best hand specialist there is. He was close by, and had an open appointment! Her finger today is perfect. Sounds regular and routine? My friend's son went through exactly the same break . Same bone, same finger, same hand, but because of a different game. It took two years of treatments and he still has problems with his hand. So just serendipity? Nope.

My husband had almost decided to move to India. He was in India to sign his acceptance, when he changed tracks and opted to take up an offer in Seattle instead. We packed up and moved across the country, instead of across the globe. His cancer was detected within a year of moving. We had access to one the best cancer care centers of the world here. And finally, to the best hospice care. Not to mention the company he worked for out turned out to be more supportive than family! Through the pain and the fears, the blessings came too, fast and furious - every time we needed them, exactly what we needed. There is definitely a 'God's plan', unchangeable, irreversible, unimpeachable, even if we can never understand it. And if the plan entails that He gives you a terrible time, he gives you the wherewithal to deal with it.

Outside ourselves there is so much we can try to explain away - coincidence, good planning, no-other-option scenarios - but the things we take for granted within us are nothing short of inexplicably wondrous. There is so much in our own bodies that we do not control - breathing is involuntary, the heartbeat is involuntary, and the brain is still a mystery to neuroscience. So waking up every morning with your senses intact is a miracle in itself. It took me a while to understand this. Of course I knew the science behind it. But even knowing how it all works does not explain why it works. And that is precisely why cloning or stem-cell research does not bother me at all, and should not worry anyone with a belief in a higher power. Man can put together the cells, organs probably, and maybe even limbs but it will not be a person. Life is not structural. It is not even biochemical. It is... well, miraculous. And that is beyond the purview of man's capabilities. I will be delighted if we can just put together a clump of cells specialized enough to use to heal ourselves. 

But all that is physical, which is the most banal, most inconsequential aspect of humanity. Our emotions, our feelings, our spirit is what defines us. If we learn to accept that real self in us and others, we see more miracles than the unlikely cures and NDEs. We hear of people happy in terrible circumstances, we see a prisoner with an 'unconquerable soul' having no bitterness towards his oppressors, we understand why we immediately feel better in good company, we experience how laughter does actually heal the soul. We realize how hanging onto a hope actually makes what we hope for happen. And I am not talking of some vague abstract thoughts put across by a guru. These are events that have actually occurred. These happen everyday, everywhere. I know of them in my life, and see them in others'. You need to open your eyes to see it in yours too. Open your mind and heart, and hold on tight.

Hold on to that rope that is always just a grasp away. Just hanging on to His rope is enough. It will take us through lessons and trials, though joys and delights. It will carry us through the darkness to where he wants us to be. And that is not going to be a bad place.

We Present Us

I have been hearing about extravagant weddings that make me wince. I know of vacations that create more stress than relaxation because the purpose was to be 'seen' on vacation. Our lives somehow get dictated by the kind of Facebook status we can whip up. Going to a fancy restaurant is more to 'check in' with friends than enjoy that great food and service.

I have noticed that the more people are fixated on appearances, the less they have within themselves to get to know. Once you look past that well-designed shell, there is nothing to interact with. And being fond of shoes or spas is not what I am talking about. We can enjoy the feel of silk in our clothes and delight in that exclusive piece of art we bought. That is one of the few joys of life. What is not right is when we do it only to be seen. We wear what we think other people think we should. We buy what we think should be in our possession. It must be a very stressful life when what we are is a constantly changing image of what we imagine others would like. The amusing part is that nobody outside actually cares. People are either too busy dealing with how they look themselves, or have grown above that. Either way, how you present yourself is not in their radar. There will always be that scum of society that is watching only to fault others, but that section of humanity (using the term loosely) requires another write-up!

It does not matter how much money we have. Once we are rooted to our values​, we are comfortable with who we are. And access to wealth, or cutting off from it, does not change us. Of course,​a change in our financial situation bring​s about major changes in the way we live. A reduction in income necessitates a cutback on things earlier taken for granted, and a substantial increase may bring about a lighter watch on the credit card. But it does not affect what we like, or what we want from life.

Warren Buffet, one of the world's wealthiest men, lives in the same three-bedroom house he bought early in life because it still fits his needs and wants. He lives in an average home, in spite of the wealth he has. And I still want to buy an island, in spite of my lack of wealth. :)

There is a distinct difference between buying something we want and buying something we think we should have. And understanding that difference requires a maturity that is not common. It is a maturity that comes from knowing yourself, respecting yourself, and accepting who you are. The best way to get to that state is to shut ourselves off from opinions of those who do not matter to us. We can learn to listen to our own real needs when we can disconnect with the clamour of the world telling us what we should want. When we present ourselves to the world as we are, the stark reality and uniqueness adds not only to our own worth, but also to the world's.

For it is in giving that we receive

So here I was, in a lovely hotel enjoying a to-die-for breakfast in a city I did not like much. The buildings reminded me of New York, the people, of New Jersey. The city is a bunch of artificial things and even more artificial faces that seem to be at odd with its natural environs. Yes, I do not like Vancouver, Canada. Yet I was really content. Was good food all that mattered ? :) The answer struck me when I realized the flavor of the coffee was improved by the cup it was served in. It is not where you live, it is how you live that makes life what it is.


Unless of course you are living in New Jersey or New Delhi. One has rude people, the other has dehumanized animals who need to be shot. No amount peace can bring happiness in Jersey because of the mean aggression in everyone; and one, however rich, can never have even an iota of peace in India's capital because it is peopled by brutes.


But in general, the rule stands. Life can be good, or bad, anywhere in the world. It is the people you have around you, and personal accessibility to needed facilities that make your life what it is. Living in the fabulously lovely hills of Montana would be what I call 'peaceful postcard living' but one can enjoy that astoundingly clean country as long as one does not require the hospitals of major research universities that are within reach in the cities on the coasts. You could own a lake, but then if you do not have the time or ability to frolic in it, is it worth it? A house with a large ballroom and no parties to throw?


And by extension if how you live matters, and not where, should not happiness be in how you look at your situation, and not where life has brought you? So that large ballroom could make you happy, even if it is always empty, if you like to simply have it.


I do not believe in the sour-grapes theory that the wealthy are unhappier than those with less (they just seem unreasonably unhappy to those of us who can see how much they have!). Happiness is not predicated on how much of what you have. It is how much you like yourself, and how you deal with things that you do not like. Nasty people, illness, punctured tires, irate boss, whatever. It may be more comfortable to cry in Mercedes than on a bicycle, but the distress is the same. What matters is what made you cry, and how fast you bounce back. And that has no bearing on whether you cried in a Mercedes or on a bicycle.


 A TV show character said 'the purpose of life is to live as long as you can, as well as you can'. I actually changed the channel right away, it was so wrong. I cannot imagine a more purposeless life than one where the sole purpose is self-prolongation. So what, then, is the purpose of life? Of course one must enjoy it, but what exactly will bring you that enjoyment? Relishing a good pastry? Certainly. But it is more the sharing of that pastry with a friend.


I believe one has to realize that life is not meant to be prolonged, for it is defined by the fact that it ends. What one needs to do is make it count! Not by a greedy grabbing of everything. Just possessing, obtaining, 'living it up' never works. Try it for a day... do something you like to excess, and see how you feel by the end. Miserable. On the other hand, try giving a bit, sacrificing for someone, taking time out give someone a hand. If that does not help you feel better, I suggest you lie down and stop breathing because you are a psychopath.


We are mortal, and everything in the universe has a time limit. Simply 'going on' is hollow. But what you do while you go on is what matters. When I look back, the only regrets I have are the times I did not do something to help another. Yes, there are the "oh I should have bought that damn house when it was at such-and-such price" too, but the feeling of 'loss' is not as intense. It is with an implacable pang that I think of the girl who was walking down an empty road in NJ, and I did not offer her a ride because I had zipped past, and did not know how to make a damn U-turn in that stupid place. I still remember the beggar boy dipping dry bread in water. And that I did not cross the road to give him that useless money in my purse because I was feeling awkward with so many people just looking on (Yes, in India, everyone stares). When there is a fifty-fifty chance of feeling stupid or giving some relief to a human being, I will take that chance. It is a lesson learnt hard.


Chocolate cake, a good book, music, diamonds,comfortable shoes... all bring incredible happiness of course, but those joys are ephemeral. A kind act another does for us always stays with us. I have so many memories of strangers helping me out - people whose names I do not even know. Like the man in Hyderabad who stood with us quietly, till my uncle arrived, late in the night when my sister and I were stranded with a broken car. And what my friends have done for me, I cannot even begin to enumerate! All those memories sustain me. Whether we know it or not, it is the collective goodness of the world that we live on. And contributing to that goodness is what I think life is all about. Reaching out to each other to give joy and solace is not silly, or a waste, or even something you do when you 'have time'. It is an essential aspect of living. Not for the receiver but for the giver. That is an elemental truth.

Gunning for the gun

Sometimes I wonder what a person was thinking when they come up with ridiculous ideas. Does not help my sanity, but I do wonder all the same. The guy who made the guillotine and the sadist who designed assault guns. And moronic,immature parents like those who gave their 11-year-old a gun for protection. The kid used it at recess to threaten his classmates.

Everyone has voiced their opinions on gun violence. I have only one- get rid of the damn things altogether. Why do we need them at all? Those who want hunt - develop your damn skills to shoot and use a bow and arrow! You are doing it for fun anyway. Though what kind of fun it is killing something that is not bothering you is beyond me. Maybe the mental disease aspect starts there. I think there is only a very fine line between going into the wild to shoot unsuspecting animals and going into a mall and shooting unsuspecting shoppers. (Shooting kids is something too raw for me to talk about.)

I understand the need for protection. Unfortunately the same  things that we choose for protection are the ones that hurt and kill.  Why do we equalize protecting ourselves with hurting the person we need protection from? Offence and defense are two entirely different things, and must be kept that way. Of course there are cases when one needs to kill an attacker, preferably before he/ she gets set off. If we could redo things I would have no problem executing Adam Lanza. I would not have a problem incarcerating his mother either. It is criminal irresponsibility to have guns in the house with a disturbed boy.  But you do not need an iron contraption triggering little bits of metal at high fatal speeds to protect yourself. A well- placed kick, a Taser, pepper spray, a knife.....and according to airport security, nail cutters apparently!  I know my suggestion sounds simplistic, but evil will exist and we have to deal with it without becoming evil ourselves. Having more guns to offset the danger of ones that are already there is not the answer.

Guns make it easy to kill. The lack of direct physical contact with victims creates a disconnect which eases whatever qualms a psychotic lunatic might have.  (Yes, barring gun-totting on a job like in law enforcement, everyone in possession of a gun IS a lunatic. And even with responsible officers, we have too many accidental firing of guns). Pulling the trigger is simple, quick and horribly efficient. The only time for that proficiency is to prevent a heinous act or in the course of justice.

Nothing is perfect. We are flawed creatures living in an imperfect world.  There are defects and disease in our society and in individuals. But nothing ever was, or ever will be, solved by arming  ourselves. Guns are not recreation, and if you think it is you are one of those I have no problem putting in jail preemptively. Guns are not protection, they provide only a threat of damage, and that safeguards nobody. Guns are certainly not a deterrent. A deterrent to violence cannot be a thing that brings about that very type of violence. It is like the stupid idea that we should have nuclear weapons to prevent a nuclear war. ( No, idiots. The way to prevent a nuclear war is NOT to have nuclear anything) Guns are not a right.When driving is not a right, there is no reality in which having a gun is a right. We took away segregation, now its time to take away this ridiculous 2nd amendment.

My solution is drastic but needed. All guns, unless they are for law enforcement, need to be taken and melted to make, I don't know, decorative sculpture or train tracks. Let us get rid of guns, then maybe we will get rid of the idea that we need to be able to hurt to defend. 

Missing Something ?

Have not all of us felt a pang of missing something so much it feels like a real loss? It could be a time in life, a place, a friend who moved away? The sweetly sad feeling of deprivation is equally strong whether it is a home you had or just something silly like a shampoo that was discontinued or a burger joint that closed down.

It leaves us sad, of course, but there is an underlying sweetness, a delight of having known that joy. And in line with that typical sadistic conundrum that life is, the sharper the joy was, the more painful its removal. The more something means to you, the more power it has to kill a part of you when it is torn away.

Imagine a person living blissfully on a lovely island, never having had sushi.Would he or she have cravings? Or feel deprived because they do not have the latest Gucci shoes? Someone was telling me the other day that the Prophet broke his fast with a date. Well, he hardly had much choice. There were no gulab jamuns or samosas for him. And it bothers me that people do not see this. People grow face fungus mostly because the prophet always had a beard. Well, he also traveled only by camel, so why not just take a camel to work? But that is another topic. Whatever your monetary status,say, in the 12th century, you would not have known what a car was. Today money can buy you a Fiskar or a Lamborghini. Of course, like the people in the aforementioned 12th century, I do not miss having either because I have no idea what it feels like to ride in, let alone own, one. And that is perfectly alright with me.Like my father said, when you upgrade be sure you do so to a level you can reasonably maintain because getting used to something new and better is fun, but getting used to not having it again is sometimes not possible. It is very much like sleeping on the perfect mattress for a few days- you will never be happy with anything less.

I think a lot of people today are discontented not because they lack, but because they know of stuff they do not have. With the information world exploding around us we know so much more, and that opens our eyes and hearts to possibilities of what we could have,and then what might want, and then, if we are not mature enough, what we must have. Of course there is a solution. There always is,and usually one just has to really want it to find it. What we need to do is accept that the world is full of lovely things and lovely places,and find joy in just knowing it is there. I am not pulling the solution out of thin air. It works. I know there are those gorgeous islands I will not be able to go to, but I feel joy in seeing the pictures. There is that Cartier necklace I will not buy ,but it is such a thing of beauty, I am happy to have seen it. Of course if  I could pass by cupcakes with the same joy of just looking instead of hogging on them, my size might be different, ( and some old woman in some hillside Chinese village may never know, and therefore never want a cupcake)! 

With knowledge and information exploding around us and world becoming so much smaller, the number of things we do not have seems to grow everyday. Information is never a bad, too much or too little. It is how we use it that matters. If it increases our dissatisfaction with what we have, it also propels change. It shows people what could be, what they could do, and what they could have. The drive for freedoms from dictatorships would not have been as strong if people could not see, and know, what freedom feels like. Movies, media, internet everything conspires towards change, whether personal ( that university abroad you apply to, or that Facebook friend who opens news doors) or national. ( the 'Arab Spring')

Sometimes we miss something because it was with us, and sometimes we miss something because we know we could/would/might have had it. Whether it is as inane as a disgustingly expensive purse you see in some silly fashion magazine, or hear of the fabulous healthcare system in another country, you could always use the pang to drive yourself to better your situation. Enjoy the fact that it exists (or existed), or work towards getting it ( back) for yourself.

Propriety and props

This has been festering for a long time. This frustration that I feel when institutions try to police individual behaviour. It might work in elementary school, when children need the guidance for right and wrong, but not in adults! When governments begin to tell people what they should do with themselves, or not do, it is the worst kind of dictatorship there can be, for one does not need a dictator per se to oppress a people. It can happen in a democracy if we let it. We see the far-right Republicans forcing their morals and beliefs on everyone else. (Morals that, I might add, they do not generally possess themselves!) I believe forcing everyone else to follow what I believe to be right is just so.... well, wrong. Freedom only exists when people have the freedom to choose both right and wrong where their own selves are concerned, as long it does not hurt anyone else.

I see very little difference between Republicans asking  for  repeal of a woman's right on her own body and the draconian Saudi 'moral' police. The Saudi excuse that tightening official control will result in better individual behaviour is ridiculous. The way to enable moral rectitude is not by removing opportunities for imagined offences, but by enlightenment; by educating minds and opening dialogue. Bad will do bad whatever and whenever the chance comes up. And in trying to avoid giving a chance for 'bad' to happen, we curtail the space even for good. Women are not allowed to drive in Saudi, presumably to avoid giving them the opportunity to 'sin' (very Republican, I think). This simplistic form of control probably only stopped the flowering of women scientists, entrepreneurs, writers. And it certainly prevented a whole lot of mothers going out with daughters, or friends meeting over coffee. It saddens me to imagine the things that may have been. Because by eliminating chances for exploration we eliminate chances of progress. And frankly, the women who want to march to a different moral beat, do so even now! The tangential topic of men and their freedom and what they do with it would need a book, not a blog.

Of course I believe in government. We need law and order, we need the structure of bureaucracy, we need the infrastructure government provides, and I am very appreciative of social security. But that is what government should be doing:  governing the civil and financial aspect of society. Period. Not dictating morality, or biology, or sexuality, or religion.

Speaking of unnecessary moral policing, where do people get the idea that social networking is a step towards the breakdown of society? I have heard people say 'they divorced because of Facebook' - apparently that is where the unfaithful husband met his new love interest. Seriously? He would have been a gem of a guy if there was no Facebook? Why do people blame something so abstract for an act that is  based entirely on individual will? Can we really believe that the woman who had an extramarital affair with someone she met in an online chat room would not do it with someone she met in the supermarket? or at the PTO meeting? The child who got lured by the abuser actually physically went to meet the pervert. Simply keeping the contact online would be safer.There are a  whole lot of other, more important dimensions at work here. Let us not belittle those dangers by blaming it all on the Internet.

All I am saying is that behavior is always an individual choice, dictated by personal situations and choices. It is predicated on personal principles not societal laws. Propriety that needs legal props is neither proper nor stable. It is pompous officiousness to try and have it regulated.

Birthday thoughts

So I think birthdays are overrated. If the day you are born is the one you need to celebrate OVER others, then it is a sad life; and maybe one you should not celebrate anyway.

Every day that one is blessed with is a special day, and if most days go by without some acknowledgement by you then making a huge deal on the anniversary of taking a first breath is meaningless.

So why celebrate? Life' s days are the same, right? Wrong. Life holds meaning every time a sunset takes your breath away, every time a friend makes you smile. Your birthday should be important to people in your life, and if that is so, then celebrate every day!!