Counting blessings

With the festival of Eid-al-Adha this weekend, and the day of Hajj the day before, prayer has been on our minds. I, on the other hand, don’t care.

I was wondering how merciful God really is. I mean, shouldn’t I have been born and lived on an island in Greece or Italy if he was really kind? And then shouldn’t everyone been born where they belonged, born free, born into the situations they wanted?

Why does the Creator not do that? Why create if not to bring joy? 

Then I begin to count my blessings- literally. So all problems, all loss, all angst, all failures, all broken dreams - all are wiped off by the miraculous blessing of having my daughter. 

So I have to shut up complaining. Somewhat. 

Because if he can do that- create and give me Rasha- why not all the much-smaller blessings I crave? 

Religion is largely dependent on our birth. Parents and place determine it almost always. There are few who look for answers and solace beyond what they were taught, and choose a path that works for them. Just like choosing a country to belong to, claiming your attitude to living (for, what is religion but the way you deal with life and death?) is much stronger and more profound.

Either way, it is very personal. Most of us do not realise how individualistic religious belief is. No two people have the same relationship with God. Even if it is the same group of principles, every person practices the tenets in a distinct way. The intensity of faith, commitment to belief, emphasis of a particular part or ritual, or a favourite prayer: it marks that uniqueness like a fingerprint.

For me, the holy month of Ramadan is important because of the social aspects - the special foods, the get togethers, the sharing, the giving, the forgiving. My version of God does not limit answering prayers in a particular month. He answers when asked. (not most of mine of course - but that is another topic, another major grouse)

I will not go into oppression, war, hunger, and psychopathy. That is failure of Man, not of any divine deity. It is we, as humanity, who have been unable to share, care, and correct.  Banding ourselves into illogical groups on skin colour, spoken language, personal belief, passport. What will it be next- style of laughter? Will we be politicising tone of voice, or bone density? 

Anyway, as I begin in my effort be thankful and to drag out some Divine mercy for me, I shall budget and plan a trip to soak myself in Aegean waters. And I am, in an invictus-kind-of-way, grateful that I can. 

healing

Whoever said time heals wounds was an idiot. Grief, loss, anger- rear their head when you least expect it. A dream, a thought, a smell rips open the scab.

There is never healing. The pain remains, and it takes that one touch - of even joy - to bring it up. Time just teaches you to accept it. Because there is literally nothing to do about it.

And let’s face it- God does not help.

What we can do is hang on to the blessings he has thrown our way (which are many, and I am thankful for those).

Relish the miracle of being with those we love, and recognize the good fortune to be able to do things that bring meaning and value to our lives.

Being taxed by taxes

Tax time!! And I am anxious and irritated as always.

What were taxes meant for? So that we contribute to help the community, build infrastructure, and strengthen our country. And maybe have something to lean on when we need to.

I have no problem paying my share. But it irritates me to shell out hard-earned money knowing it is benefiting people who need no relief whatsoever.It makes it easier when you see taxes at work—not to give a break to the super-rich but to help those who need a hand.

So here goes: I am happy to pay taxes in India. I know people who have benefited from government programs. A widow who gets a pension just because she needs it. Her husband never had a proper job, and she never worked. They never paid into any 'social security'. The security in this 'third-world' country is so much better than in my adopted country.

The useless enforced 'social security' that my husband paid into all his life, he could never use. And I cannot claim it till I have lived long enough for the stupid arbitrarily decided age. Here in India, we have free hospitals and free schools (quality of education is a different topic) for those who have no other resources. Twelve kilos of rice are given per individual for a token amount of Rs 12 for families who live below poverty level (which is very low). In my state, buses are free for women. All women, going anywhere, anytime.

This is being responsible. This is what governments are for. Yes, there will be corruption, there will be unacceptable political deals; but in general, our government must work for all people, and especially for those who cannot be heard. If this is the much-maligned socialism, I am all for it.

So as I pay my dues to the two countries I love, there is only one I willingly accept being taxed by. 

Existing, surviving or living?

Another year has ended. It is fascinating how every end really is just another beginning. A day ends as night begins, a flower dies to bring forth fruit. 2024 finishes only to lead to 2025.

One could argue, in that line of thinking, that nothing actually ends. It just changes into a new form. The sad part is that some things actually do not change at all; greed, strife, stress, oppression, hunger - all remain in the world. But so does love, compassion, friendships, and rainbows.

The imporatant question is how we have lived  the past year. Have we existed, survived, or lived?

When we have simply done our routine chores, however perfectly, we have only existed. Gotten out of bed on time, done our daily duties at home or at work, ended the day as planned. Even if we were at peace, we have simply been existing. But that linear existence is still better than surviving.

Some of us have gone through the year from one challenge to the next, sometimes accomplishing the impossble, sometime succumbing to life's trials. Persisting through losses and wins, we have simply been surviving.

Most of us have gone through the days of 2024 between these states - existing or surviving. We have all (mostly) had the relative calm of existing day-to-day, broken by the highs of success, and the lows of surviving exacting circumstances.

How many of us can claim to have been living 2024? We have only lived when we have made the choice and the effort to do what brings value to our lives. Sometimes there is a cost of time, money, or strength. But whatever the cost, the reward is immense. 

Did we live in 2024? Did we meet friends, help a stranger, renew relationships? Did we take time to be nice to ourselves, indulge, and expend for our own joy? When it comes to living, it is always through a conscious effort. It is not the unthinking dropping of a tip, it is a measured output from your budget to help someone with a hands-up. It is not a regular coffee with a regular friend, it is that making time for a friend who needs the company. It is not sending a well-meaning 'happy birthday' text, it is the effort to go  meet and celebrate when you can.

 We will relish many days of existing in 2025, we will be surviving many days in 2025, hopefully with success. But we must, if we are to live at all, learn living each day, in whatever way we can.

Miss Universe

The Miss Universe pageant this year was … well, like every year past. Most of the girls were beautiful, all of them were perfectly put together. 

The gorgeous winner from Denmark represented exactly what the whole show is about- shallow pageantry. Which is fine. I enjoy the glitter and glamour. I like to see how a good dress, fabulously done make-up and good lighting makes for eye-candy. What infuriates me is the way they try to portray the show to be something meaningful. 

Blessedly we do not hear how ‘world peace’ will be accomplished by the contestants anymore. This year we heard Miss Universe tell us how we should never give up and change ourselves., and it will make it all better.

How entitled can one be?? How clueless to suffering around the world?? She must to have had a great life to be fortunate enough to make that facile declaration so joyously. 

Poverty, famine, war, oppression- yeah, let’s not give up. Just be strong and you will find clean water and food. And the cure for cancer while we are at it. Let’s change ourselves so that terrorists don’t drop bombs on us.

I was happy to see the gorgeous finalists in those Facebook reels. Each of the five could have carried the crown. I was impressed. Until I unmuted the reel and heard Miss Denmark.,

She is beautiful. But that is it- she is a beauty queen. Don’t tell us that she knows or can do anything more than that. 

Sleepless night rambling on faith

 It’s 3:40 AM. I had a long nap in the day so I am up staring at the ceiling tonight. Had a snack, a calming tea, played futilely at a jigsaw. It is also a good time to pray. But I don’t.

Your belief system is what makes you YOU. Because faith, whatever the religion, is as unique as the individual. It can range from a general quiet thankfulness for being alive, to an intense fixation on the dos and donts of the doctrine.

Faith, I think, is of three types:

1. Faith of love. When you believe that God created everything in love, does only good for you, and listens to your calls.

2. Faith of despair. When you need that Power desperately. You call.on God for help constantly, and you hope (and still believe) that there will be a tangible improvement in your situation.

3. Faith of loss. When you stop your praying and pleading. But you still go through the basic motions of your faith to try and avoid hell. And this is where I am. Those of you who cannot relate - you are more blessed than you know.

What you have today

How does one combat depression? I am not talking of mental illness that requires clinical, professional help. I am talking of those feelings of of helpless frustration and sorrowful ennui and hopelesnness that plague all of us - sometimes for a day, sometimes for years like a low-grade fever. It is the result not of chemical imbalance or major psychological issues, but simply the result of life's blows on your soul.

The general happy solutions do help: time spent with close friends, an outing with new acquaintances, soemthing that forces unbidden laughter, a good cup of coffee, forest bathing, or working on a hobby.

What is important is you rediscover yourself - either from your younger days ( or should I say older days?), or from yesterday when you smiled more easily. A quote by Marcus Aurelius hit me the other day: "Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly." It is not just an exhortation to live life fully in the present; it tells us that the boons and banes of the past are now disconnected from your life, and it is only what you do today (with today's joys and pains) that matters.

I never cared for the night sky till my daughter forced me to point out and explain stars to her. I always thought it was the domain of 'smart and lucky' astronomers. But the shine in her eyes that the first time, and the joy she derives from looking up at the stars even today, has made the night sky a priceless part of living. You could look up and lament that you are not 'up there', as I used to before, or be here and relish what is given. The stars are there for everyone. You just have to recalibrate how you look at it.

Fate is what comes to you, and living requires you accept and live with it. Not 'deal with it' or fight it or fix it. Just live it. If you keep looking at life through a prism of what it brings, of what we become, of what we have, and what we need, it is bound to disappoint. And then those feelings - of life giving you only punches - come up to suffocate you. Life gives you both roses and thorns; but you get what you look at most. Joy is not around the corner after you pay off something, or after you buy a house, or when you get that job. Joy is here, you need to switch it on within you. It certainly is not as easy as it sounds. But it is the only way to be happy: now, here, for, and with yourself.