Have you ever thought of the many people who have touched our lives? Of course, there are the obvious parents, friends, and colleagues, who become an essential part of your life. Then there are the those in our peripheral sociosphere - people whose effect on us is also undeniable - negative or positive. Our experience with them cements the bricks that make up our personal grammar. These are people who touch our lives fleetingly - the politician you may never meet , the actress who brings about a smile to your face, the friend of a friend who you see occasionally but who defines for you one characteristic you identify with her or him.
Obviously, all experiences add up to the person we are. But I would like to stretch that thinking and say all people we see and meet add to the person we become. No man is an island, and the waves that beat against each of us keep refashioning us over time. It is not only our attitudes, but our actions that also change. I would whip out my checkbook for any fundraising that had the word 'police' in it. Even when I was not sure that the money actually went to benefit our law enforcers. But now, after one particularly unpleasant and unfair traffic stop, I throw all those envelopes I have come to know straight into the garbage! One cop with an attitude consequated in a change in my attitude; a minor change it may be, but it has made a difference nevertheless.
So who has the most effect on us? Certainly the people who stay the longest in our circle and certainly also those who are in our intimate sociosphere*. We learn most from constant interaction. We pick up philosophies, nuances, body language, even beliefs from those we see on a regular basis. But there are people who we meet for a few moments only, and they leave a lasting impression.
I remember one night in my hometown, when our car broke down in a lonely area. The three of us in the car - my sister, my mother and me - had no idea what to do (cell-phones were not very common). So we were just struggling to push the car and coax it into starting. A young man came on a two-wheeler and offered to call for help. We called a family friend and thanked him for being an angel. It is a wonderful thing that its not rare to see people stop to help, and I know of innumerable such people. But this man did one little extra thing. He pulled his little scooter to the side and waited with us. That is all. He said nothing. Just stood there till our friend got there and then rode away. We never got his name. Never got to tell him how much we appreciate that sensitive understanding. A simple gesture transformed his little deed from an act of kindness to a grand gesture of magnanimity. I will never know his name and I do not even remember his face. But that little extra he did so unceremoniously has forever defined for me real kindness. People like that became a part of our psyche. Not only because they teach us a moral we hold dear for the rest of our lives, but it makes us want to model that behaviour. For me, it has now made me always say, even in the simplest of situations - is that all I can do? I believe it has made me more forthcoming with help when it is needed.
It has been said that we are known by the company we keep. I believe we should be known by the company we are to others - whether for an instant, or for a lifetime. Because, just as others shape us, we mould others too. Not just the friends we meet everyday, but even those we encounter for a moment, like the person who holds the door for us, or the pedestrian who waves a thank you.
*Sociosphere = entire social circle of an individual; coined by Rasha Alam. Copyright.
