My Op-ed :D

So I have been thinking about why the Kavanaugh-Ford imbroglio has been such a tinderbox. Why it bothers everyone so much, irrespective of the side you are on.

After all, there are things that are much worse, on a larger scale, that need our attention. Like the limited intelligence of the people in power now.

Let me start off by assuming that Dr. Ford is speaking the truth. Because I am a woman, and this is not something you can make up. I would not make something like this up to save my life. A sexual assault is too demeaning, too damaging, too frightening to simply pretend it happened. And yes, the trauma stays for an entire lifetime.

Why does something that may have happened decades ago rile us up so much? And why, if it is true, should it be a damning factor in Kavanaugh’s life?

Because it is not the incident in itself that comes into question. It is the depravity it implies. The depravity that in all likelihood continues to be a part of the person. Just as the trauma will continue to haunt the victim. An assault speaks to the character of the perpetrator. Slapping a girl’s butt is not a joke, it is invading her privacy, it is total lack of respect for her of her person, it belittles her as an object, and demonstrates a lack of empathy and understanding that is predictive of future behavior. Maybe someone grows out of it, maybe they don’t. I would think someone who can forcibly push a girl down and try to pull her clothes off is not likely to change his attitude. His character is already far down the drain.

And if he has, by some miracle, outgrown his bestial tendencies, then by extension he should have developed remorse. If he had shown something on those lines, I would be happy to see him on the Court. It takes so much character to admit you were wrong.

What bothers me most? The threats she is receiving. What kind of a world do we live in if people cannot speak out about the wrongs inflicted on them? Even if she is lying, this barbaric reaction is indicative of how wrongly women are viewed. Not believing her is an opinion, but getting her to shut up this way is as bad as an assault. Making threats on her life is unconscionable.

I have no words to form a sentence that will portray the angst and disgust I feel at the execrable ‘every boy has done this’ concept. I cannot fathom how such evil twisted minds can think that this would be normal. It is insulting to boys and men everywhere.

The other terribly disturbing revelation is how many people believe this is equivalent to ‘drinking in high school’. Shoving a person down, irrespective of the gender, is not the same as trying pot or cheating on a test. You cannot equate physical attack on someone else with choices we make for ourselves. Hurting someone is not acceptable at any age. Period.

There is no justification for what he did. The time lapse is irrelevant, since he never apologized. There is nothing anyone can say that makes it right or excusable. The only thing we should be looking at is finding out if it is true. 

Random Ramblings

How do they say it is ‘one world’? My world is not the same as yours.

The sea, the land, the air; each is its own world.

The starving girl in the refugee camp has a different world from the rich heiress walking into the restaurant tonight.

My pain colors my bubble, your ambition might color yours.

She buries herself in a book to escape, he drinks to forget. Her heart defines her world, his mind delineates his. So many kinds of happy. Many more kinds of unhappy.

So many people, just as many worlds. My world is not the same as yours.

I accept that just because I am not bad, it is not that I am good. Good requires voice and deed.

If I have not hurt, it does not mean that I have helped. Being comfortable comes with the responsibility of not looking away when others are attacked.

If I am not inflicting harm, it is not that I am harmless. My silence on seeing injustice is a potent support for oppressors. My inaction and apathy are the very reason that the abuse continues.

Every time I say’ ‘that is wrong’ and do nothing, I am doing wrong.

We owe a thank you to so many strangers, to those we probably will never meet again.. Have you stopped to think?

The guy who opened the door and made you feel valued. The barista who made a little extra effort and made you feel special. The man on the scooter who stopped to wait with you because you were alone in a broken down car, and made you feel safe. The nurse who got that extra warm blanket, and made you comfortable. The ice cream maker who gave you that extra cup of the last batch and made happy. The lady on the train ride who read your children's story in the paper and remembered your name. 

Have you made a stranger want to thank you?Have you stopped to think?

Practice or don't. But don't preach

Here is a question: Who do you like more?

1. A person who spends his time praying in a religious house (any that appeals to you).

2. A person who spends his time trying to get food to the hungry, and has not time to pray.

That’s rhetorical. If you liked the first person more, please don’t read ahead (and unfriend me on Facebook). Now, if person Number 1 tells you what you should be doing for the next month to get ‘good deeds’ in your account, you start wondering what good means to them. Don’t get me wrong, I do not have anything against strict religiosity. But I have everything against using that like a beating stick to make everyone think and behave like you.

We are all individuals with unique likes, strengths, fears and fingerprint swirls. We also have our own one-of-a-kind predilections and laughter and tears.

What is it that makes a few very ignorant people think that any two of us will have the same idea about our relationship with God?

Religion, I have always believed, is the most personal, most private belief a person has. No one else has the right to dictate what you should feel, think, or do. Of course we are affected by other: impressed by genuine good, disgusted by pontification, inspired by selflessness. We imbibe, we change, and with any luck, we grow spiritually. But sending messages and stickers about how many prayers you need to do in a specific time just shows the absolute ignorance and vanity of the sender.

I have the privilege of knowing some amazing women who are very visibly Muslim. I have learnt so much from them, and most of it has been through how they live, how kind they are to others, and how they have helped me. I have also met amazing people from other faiths who have taught me much, and brought me immense solace. So I really cannot, just cannot, abide with people acting as if they are exclusively good solely because of what they profess to practice.

I know people who have published books on religion, and they are the nastiest people I know. They can be seen performing all the prayer, fasts, and other rituals expected from a committed Muslim. But you cannot be a good Muslim unless you are a good person. You cannot be a good Hindu, a good Christian, a good Wiccan, or a good atheist unless you are a good person. Without kindness, tolerance and acceptance, you can only be a good fraud. I have said this again and again. And there are so many more who have said it better. If superficial religious propriety is all you are good at, you are not good at your religion. Your beliefs are a lie.

 When Mohamed Salah prostrated at the soccer field, some people took it as a validation of their faith. How? Why? He could be prostrating to the football gods, or paying obeisance to the ground. And if he was doing the Islamic sijdah, it is his action. Not yours. His faith, not yours. Using another person’s act to define yours is equivalent to the misguided notion that blames one community for the action of a few evil crazies. Another person’s goodness or expertise does not define yours, however representative it may be of your faith. You have to do your own good, develop your own faith, effect goodness and admiration on your own actions. And giving sweeping unsolicited advice on what another person should do is not an act of faith. Do or do not. The choice is yours. As it is for everyone else.

Two ducks.

Two ducks.

We learn something from everything we see.  I mean, when we really see.

 Like the two ducks.

I have been seeing them every day for the past week. Frolicking in my lake.  Yeah, I like to say ‘my lake’. It’s not. Not exactly. But is anything ever?

Those two ducks.

They have been calmer since they first arrived. No more quick retreats from me, no more panicked dunking. They now swim calmly in circle. Seemingly pointlessly. But what do we know?

Those two ducks delight me.

I see them swimming around in their area. Their little black forms do not seem to disturb the water. They are making this their home, and now seem to be a part of lake itself.

Those two ducks make me think.

How is it that only humans rip out the natural ecosystem and create a new optic when they make homes? Not that I am not grateful. It is that ripping out that has made possible this moment, this home for me, and this peace. This moment to watch these two today.

 Those two ducks teach me.

They simply flew in, and settled down. No ripples, no carry-ons, no takeaways.  A lake that accepts them, a home they build from what is around. Enjoying the day, the air, the water, the moment. As the world around them goes on. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

Two ducks. 

Just being themselves. And winning. Every day.