A 93-year-old freezes to death in his own house - with neighbours around him, in a country where freedom flourishes and civic facilities are among the best in the world. So what went wrong?

Society has made everyone so wary of the 'other'. Children are taught not to trust strangers. What on earth is a 'stranger'? EVERYONE is a stranger till you get to know them. Or do proponents of the 'stranger danger' theory believe that you must know all people genetically, or at least from birth?? It is this idea that makes us suspicious of everyone new. And that leads to our being so distrustful of other cultures that differences become insurmountable. One look at a person with a different kind of an apparel and we block them into a 'weird stranger' category. It was always very disturbing to me that when we can see how the world is a cornucopia of such a myriad cultures and peoples with Internet access and the media's amazing reach, we still reel with shock when we see someone dressed differently. But now I see - it has been built into us by parents and teachers telling us to stay away from the stranger. I believe keeping a child safe is the adult's responsibility. Scaring a child to watch out for himself , however well-meaning that may be (though I doubt that too!) makes him a paranoid adult eventually.

And where does that imbibed fear and mistrust leave us finally? We believe we have made a cocoon of safety but what we have is only isolation. By cutting of others and making our circle of comfort smaller we have pushed ourselves into a little pit where we cannot even see beyond ourselves.

It is a well known fact that it takes a village to raise a child. Well, it also takes a village to care for those who need it. It must not be official. It has to be personal.

When I used to volunteer for the Meals-on-Wheels, I was directed to only deliver the meals and do nothing else. It was a terrible feeling to act so apathetic. One could see the recipients needed so much more than just a cooked meal. Sometimes just a little conversation. Sometimes a window that they needed opened, or the mail dropped. (Yes, I did it.)

I grew up in a culture where children in the neighbourhood played together and celebrated birthdays and festivals at each other's homes. We would know everyone who lived on our streets - whether their kids were friends or not - and dropped by to say hello all the time. I never felt safer anytime than in that unfettered childhood I had. It is a simple logic that has stood the test of time - real dangers and real stalkers do not have a chance to hurt if everyone is always connected and interacting.

We need to go back to those times of openness and caring. When one trusted that the world was mostly good, and the world responded by being that way. There may have been drawbacks but I am sure that they would be outweighed by the essence of society thus created. It would be a society where children grow up happy and carefree, and people do not die alone and helpless.

Opinion: Owning birds - whose rights should we be discussing?

Opinion: Owning birds - whose rights should we be discussing?

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Universal Morality

The latest research on our mind absolutely fascinates me. According to an article in the Futurist, "The Mechanics of Good and Evil", morality is a cognitive process. The article states that everyone has an in-built moral grammar. One would expect morality to be learned from parents and society as we grow and learn. One would also expect it to be dependent on cultural background. But research shows that large part of our moral makeup, called moral grammar, is already present at birth!! It is only tweaked and perfected as we experience life. And everyone judges everything by their own grammatical rules. Every moral code is entirely individual and, - this is intriguing - unintelligible to someone with a different setup. My set of personal principles will seem like a silly hash of unrefined ideas to anyone who does not have a similar line of thinking. That is absolutely amazing! Actually, it makes me understand why I find the hijab so ridiculous - and the people who cover find my opinion so, well.... shocking, to put it mildly. For those predisposed to whatever it is that makes themselves, and others, uncomfortable, it is untenable how I can be a proper Muslim without having my head covered by something else other than hair (You can read right away how unreasonable I find this line of thinking because it does not match MY moral grammar).

I think it also explains why memory differs from person to person. People remember things differently because their moral wiring probably processes it differently.It also explains why some people are indifferent, and some so involved, to events around the world that are not a part of our immediate landscape. It is our personal grammar, moral or otherwise, that defines how we look at things. It determines how we react to situations.And that just makes it all the more imperative that we do NOT judge others by what we think is right.

I think it just means that all things are right as long as it hurts no one else. And conversely, if you hurt someone - by words or actions- it is WRONG , however right it seems in your personal grammar. That is basic morality. And being so basic, it is noble and unassailable. As long as your actions do not affect someone adversely, no one has the right to tell you NOT to do it. So, my asking someone not to wear a hijab is as oppressive as someone asking me to put it on!

Obviously hitting someone is absolutely wrong - WHATEVER your motivation - justified or not -because the justification comes from YOUR grammar. Universal morality would dictate that you cannot hurt someone else. PERIOD. You find a way to right the wrong you feel without infringing on the other's personal space. It may be offensive to me if someone in front of you folds their legs onto their chair,but he is not breaking the universal morality decree. My pique is because of my personal grammar - and I will have to let it go.

It is not difficult to see how specific and unique personal moral grammar is. It also emphasizes how encompassing and elemental universal morality should be. That makes it easy to know when you need to react, because universal morality is simply doing the right thing for others. It is simply a 'do not hurt' principle. And that should never be negotiable. Whether it fits in your moral code or (horror of horrors) not - this morality is incumbent on every person on the planet. You can walk swinging your arms all through the hallway, as long as no one is going to get hit.

And if we just get it right - the world will be a better place.

Reminiscences

Memories are really and wonderful things. Two people in the same situation can remember things very differently. And the older the memory is, the more the difference there is in their views.

A memory is rarely dependent solely on recall power. Because whatever we have recorded in our wondrous brains has been amalgamated by all that we felt and thought and hoped for - by all that we were then. And as time passes, and we change and grow, we add to that memory our hopes and emotions , mostly unconsciously.

You can love a song because it was played at a time you were wearing a dress you felt wonderful in because the song brings back the feeling of comfort. And you will forever like the color the dress was, even if you never consciously make the connection. You can hate the mountains because you associate the homesickness you had while you were there.

Our most impressionable recollections are the 'first times'. The first taste, the first trip, the first book of a series we got hooked to (the first time you read this blog!!). Sometimes it takes many memories to override the powerful first one we have registered. The sound of rain used to send endorphins running through my system because of rains in Hyderabad, my hometown in India. The wonderful breeze, the nicely-tempered water drops, the washed trees, the pakodas and chais. And now - after nine years of New Jersey weather, raindrops are the most depressing things I can think of. Memory re-engineered! But after many, many re-dos in my psyche. After many situations of a similar kind overrode the previous one. Probably, if I had had a few nice times (or nice people around!) when it rained - my original memory may have remained unscathed. Now, the sound of rain alone cannot make me happy - it has to have the noise of Hyderabad too.

Our memories, like everything, are colored by our own impressions. And as we look back, our preset notions take a stronger hue in memory. A pleasant smell that was just in the background at that point in time becomes the overwhelming perfume of the memory. And even a slightly similar smell brings back that time and place to us.

I remember taking a lot of anti-tetanus shots in my sporty childhood but my sister, going through exactly the same things, thinks we hardly got as many as we should have. I remember dad driving us straight to hospital after a fall, she remembers the time we ignored the wounds we got on the playing field in school. I focused on the enjoyable trips to the hospital and remember that but she registered the relief of not getting an injection more sharply than the times we got our shots. Our memories are clouded by what affected us most, by what we found most memorable. The reminiscence is now colored by our own preconceived notions. Neither is wrong. Its just a matter of how we look at it.

I believe that what we feel and what we remember defines us as individuals more than our actions and our principles do. We are after all the sum total of our memories.

Quiet Angel?

Ah, the 'quiet angel' ! A classic example of an oxymoron if there ever was one.

The 'sly devil' would probably be more appropriate.

Have you seen those shy girls with demure looks? The ones our mothers hoped we could be like? Try talking to them. I mean, really talk to them. It will leave you scarred for life.

Yes, my dear readers. Let's finally talk openly. Those of the female species who hide under their supposed shyness and softness are hiding themselves for a reason.There lurks a very calculating mind and not a very warm heart.

The woman who laughs openly with you is a friend. Try the one and covers her mouth ever so decently (to disguise the sniggers). She probably is laughing at you. Then there is the 'coyness' of not smiling. They look right at you and look away to look busy. Wonder what goes on in their heads: "Am I wearing the right thing? What should I be saying? How should I keep my hand on the steering wheel? Which way should my eyelashes be directed?"

Creepy!

The careful pretense at bashfulness is not for our benefit. It is for theirs. Have you not let your guard down with someone who hardly ever talks, who tries to become a part of the furniture? (Reminiscent of spy cameras?) You will never get to kow them fully because they are so reserved in speaking their mind - and when you do know them - they are not very nice!

The shyness or the reserve, or its other manifestations, (I shall leave it to you to identify the various experiences you must have had) are not a plain act to protect a sensitive nature, it is an elaborate premeditated process which smacks of deceit. Try knowing one of these ghouls - they are hard, stubborn, unaccomodating and vain. And boy, do they get thier own way.

We seem to be the fools, who talk, laugh, and voice our opinions freely. But the freedom I feel in being myself I would not trade for anything. Maybe I am branded loquacious, unrestrained, too friendly, but I will take that anyday.

Allow me to add a caveat - this is not about the really shy,or the introverted. It is also not in praise of the bositerous, or the uncouth. I am singling out for this venting those women (maybe some men, and even children) who put on this facade because it suits them, and look down on those who do not have this artifice.

Do Not Propagate Hate

I am so tired of reading raving-mad rantings against Islam. It is frightening how much hate there is the world. And that that hate is so easily pointed to one community of people.

Any person propagating hate and violence is a disgrace to whatever religion or nationality he professes to adhere to - actually he is a disgrace to humanity itself. And someone who makes one sweeping statement against a group of people certainly also is intellectually deficit. It is a sad truth that empty vessels make the most noise. And so it is also that people with only scant superficial knowledge seem to be screaming the loudest. And a whole lot of vitriolic nonsense gets around.

They say one fears what one does not understand. But obviously those who fear Islam have made up their minds to hate a religion they know absolutely nothing about. Anything can be misinterpreted when taken out of context; it could be a statement in a political speech, it could be a line of poetry, or it could be a pasage from Harry Potter, the Bible and yes, the Quran.

The Quran says "Fight in the way of Allah those who fight against you, but do not transgress. Allah does not love the transgressor." (2:190) And all people read is the 'Fight in the way of Allah'. Anyone who actually reads with an open mind can see that the main point of the quotation is to tell us not to transgress.

Anyone with an ounce of reading capacity knows that terrorism has nothing to do with religion - it is ALWAYS polictical. Whether it is the Crusades, the holdup at Mumbai hotels, the riots in Gujarat, the Hamas-Israel war, the postal anthrax scare in the US, or the badly named 'Islamic' fascism.

Religion is never the basis for such heinous, inhuman acts. It is just easy to rile up people, even create stereotypes, when they use the name of religion with such acts. Using religion as a pretext is an attempt of depraved brutes to justify their philosophy of hate - and make their agenda seem more encompassing than it is. Anyone with an iota of sense can see how far from any spirituality these people are.

Terrorism predicates itself on fear and violence, but its end goal is more insidious -it is promotion of hate. To loathe acts of violence is natural, and justified, even neccesary. But when such abhorrence spills over to include a community or a religion, it becomes oppression. When people blame a religion for the abhorrent acts of a few who associate themselves with it, it is plain and simple insanity. The insanity of propogating hate.

Be careful, my insane friends, that you do not become the enemy you so despise.