Where you are is who you are

 

Who you are is directly tied to where you are. I feel that more strongly every time I come home to Hyderabad.

Very little is spoken of the rootlessness immigrants feel. However well we adjust, however grateful we are for our homes of choice, that indefinable sense of loss is always there. The loss of dreams and aspirations one always has with their place of birth. I will not even attempt to verbalize what refugees must feel- that pain of losing all semblance of a home must be devastating. I can only speak of what I feel. I am blessed to have homes in my two countries. And yet I don’t know where I actually belong. It takes a few months in one to start missing the other. The political situation in both countries just makes things more difficult. Which is worse? Where can still *stay* my home?

This restlessness is exacerbated when I travel back from one home to another. It takes a while for those roots find their way from my heart. It takes a few days to adjust looking for pens or spoons in places that exist in the other home. It takes another few days to get into the clothing, driving and behaving of the place. Takes a week to become the individual that belongs there.

It makes me think of how blessed are those who live their lives calling one place home. To grow and change with their city of birth, connected to all friends and family; and may be become the focus point for those that have moved away. I don’t think ‘aloneness’ is something they would identify with.

‘Aloneness’ has been a distressing development for me. It is the realization that your situation is so uniquely yours – your hopes, attachments, fears – that you are alone in dealing with them. Visiting family and friends I have grown up with is essential to my mental health. Yet each visit here seems to bring new sorrows now. Change marches on, slaughtering anything in its path. Styles die, rituals become outdated, connections fade away., loved ones pass away leaving an unfillable void. Even traditional homes that had brought that stab of joyful memories are cleared away for some mammoth eyesore. For those who live here it is the endemic growth of a city. I come in a year and see a stark change, and struggle to belong to this rapidly changing society. The comfort of people and conventions you have known all your life seems to be whittling away. Hyderabad was my default setting. The peace that I would feel once I stepped out of the airport is still there, but I find myself counting days to be back home in Orlando. Even with its very real, all-encompassing aloneness. So, is this still where I should be?

 

Stop Manufacturing Garbage

 I hate recycling. Especially plastic bags. I avoid using them to begin with, of course, but whatever little is not under my sink for reuse goes into regular garbage. Why?

Because plastic recycling, I believe, is a farce. It is something our society (and the plastic lobby) has come up with to keep feeling us good about our excessive consumption.  Plastic is in every part of living from toys and containers to brooms and décor. What I want to talk about is single-use plastic products, mainly bags and bottles. The very visually obvious source of pollution.

Household recycling does little to combat plastic pollution. About 50% goes to landfills, usually shipped to under-developed countries (such a neat idea, isn't it? 😠).  Only metal and glass are completely recyclable. And Thermocol is just poison, both for humans and the environment.

The products with wonderful labels that make us happy, and spend a little extra -  'this is made entirely from recycled bottles' - constitute about 9 % only. Yes, that bottle cap that sea gull is choking on - its yours. So every time I put plastic bottles in my blue bin, I feel like a fool.

The United States is the leading producer of plastic waste. For reference, India is not in the top ten, but single-use plastics are now banned. Biodegradable 'plastic' bags are common, and most people use cloth bags for shopping-  from groceries to jewelry. Ice-cream cups usually come with wooden or reusable (and very cute) steel spoons. 

Only change like that can be effective. You and I, and a thousand other consumers, however responsible, can not make a dent in the garbage going into our oceans. It has to be stopped at the production level. Why can't the manufacturers be forced to switch to compostable plastic? The technology is already there. Why don't all grocery chains simply use only paper bags? Trader Joe's does.

There is so much waste we create, and there is no perfect solution. After food, plastic is the largest component of landfills. And that does not account for all that is floating in Earth's waters. But we have an obvious and simple remedy: change the manufacturing rules. So why are we not committing to it?

At our individual level, we must make a lifestyle change, beyond filling those blue bins. Ask for paper bags at the grocery store. Use personal metal or glass bottles to carry drinking water. Switch to compostable serving products for those big get-togethers. I have. It is the only way I feel I am doing my part to save ourselves from being smothered in our own wasteful waste.

Pain

 The calluses on my heart

Brought in by grief and strife

Make pain for me a source of grace

Defining strength through sorrow 

And hope through surrender

Theses calluses on my heart

Redfine love through scars.

Loss and pain dont 'make you stronger if it does not kill you'. It just kills you. Piece by piece. Damage upon damage. Pain is just that- pain. It is not a character-building tool. It may help you understand another's, but that is a hard lesson. All you can do is learn to live with it. And maybe, if you are strong enough, eventully, grow with it.