Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Happiness Within

I have been trying to understand what actually brings happiness. Not just personally or individually - but as a general rule. What is it that makes everyone happy, whatever their life may be like?
If all of us need the same oxygen to breathe, the same nutrition to flourish, we certainly must have the same basic things that can ensure happiness. It must be something that gives each of us joy - whatever our state in life, whatever our other aims.
The first thing that comes to mind is family. Nothing can match the joy our children bring us, the surety of love of siblings, parents, and spouses. There is hardly anything in the world that can match the bliss of good friendships. But these unparalleled joys, though essential to the quality of our lives, are not what bring us personal happiness. I know too many people who have had everything good in this area and are still looking for something in their lives. Family and a concrete social structure are important for happiness but life seems to need more.
And then I think of financial prosperity. Money is essential, most definitely. Without comfort, happiness is incomplete. But excessive wealth is only a trial of character. I can think of a hundred ways a lottery win will bring delight. But for each of those ways there are a hundred rich, young things whose only knowledge of happiness is probably spelling it. It is the right use of that wealth that brings joy. And the right use of wealth is not as easy as it sounds! However, we all need 'just enough' money at the very least. But both family and money spell security, not happiness.
Happiness is that elusive combination of joy and contentment, of elation and calm. Happiness entails being in that place with yourself when you can look at everything life gives you with equanimity. I think you need to believe that life is meaningful to be able to attain that state of mind in which you can accept the vicissitudes of life. And to make life meaningful, you need to be occupied with what adds value to yourself. I would never propound that we all run out and start earning a paycheck! That, unfortunately, is what most people do to 'seem' occupied. And that, sadly, must be the most meaningless way to live - to work solely for the paycheck (especially if that is ALL you do).
We have to find that fire within us that needs to be fanned and fed. The fire that gives us a warm glow of satisfaction. It could be working for a charity, it could be dancing, it could be keeping house, painting, knitting, reading, or even obsessing over world affairs! It has to be something only you will know. And you will know it, if it is the thing you keep trying to get back to. I cannot remember a time when I did not write: from the stupidest poem ever when I was 7 (I remember the poem and will NEVER put it in writing again!), to writing college election speeches for friends; Stories and essays written on napkins, on the backs of shopping receipts, on the covers of formal notebooks... most written and then thrown away - but written all the same.
What makes you happy will be something that is your solace and your energizer. Without it everything is incomplete. Irrespective of it being public or private it will give meaning to your life, for yourself.
Of course it is easier to find meaning when you can make a difference outside yourself, but there are times when your happiness source does not touch anyone else, but is relevant only to you (like my writing!). Bottom line, happiness is within you - it is simple, it is independent of what or where you are, and it is accessible .
So am I happy now? Right now - yes - I am writing this, after all!!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

In close proximity

One of my very dear friends suggested I write on this topic.
It was very apt considering how close we are even though we live on opposite sides of the globe.

It got me thinking on what closeness actually means. We all have someone we like to be with, someone we want to share our thoughts and experiences with. If we are lucky we can do that on a daily basis, if not it is whenever we get to meet up with that person. Today's technology has made interaction so easy, and people so accessible, that physical proximity is not even necessary to trade stories and secrets.

All of us have at least one person we think about almost everyday, from our past or present, who in their very imago influence even our most banausic goings-on. We might buy something for a sister even when we are not sure when we will be meeting. We look at something a friend would have hated and smile. We think of something an old classmate said years ago and make a decision she will probably never know of.

Genuine intimacy is not just venting about what happened at work or at the gym. It means being able to understand what your friend is saying and going through. Sometimes you need the words, sometimes its just knowing the person and the predicament that he/she is in. Regular interaction is not even necessary. I have friends and cousins I meet very rarely but when we do its like there was no gap in our connection. We pick off not where we left off, but right where we are! The ease of talking is only matched with the contentment of knowing that you have someone who knows you, who actually cares.

Some of us have the unmatched blessing of living with our closest friends - be it a spouse, a parent, a sibling, or a child. But then we have close friends who live nowhere near us.

And that is where real friendship is tested. It's not only that they are in your thoughts. It is that you have them in mind even when you make decisions. You imagine their reactions or advice even when you might not have them at that time. I have many times discarded an outfit knowing my mom would not approve. It is the same as my daughter making me buy a shirt I probably would not have considered. My daughter is with me, my mom on the other end of Earth - but they have the same effect on me! (It's a different matter that if both were shopping with me, I would simply be the unimportant, non-participating person who holds the credit card!)

And how can we talk about any kind of social interactions without mentioning Facebook? Yes, I am a Facebook addict, and happily so. I have met friends I had lost touch with for years. And with so many of them it is as if there was a blinking of time that we were not in touch - because they were always in my mind. All that was needed was filling in gaps of where one is in life now. There was no need to build a relationship. Actual closeness means just that. The relationship never fades.

Then there is another kind of camaraderie, probably a new kind , that is engendered by this wonderful networking website. I have friends now who mean a lot to me, people I have never really met but have a deep affection for nevertheless. I learn so much from them as I learn about them, that bonding falls in place naturally.

Togetherness does not require that people be together physically. Of course nothing will ever compare with actually giving someone a hug , or seeing them smile or sharing a coffee. But it is nice to know that someone we love and care for, if not close by, will always be close to us in every other way that matters.

Why I Write

This blog is an attempt to bring out a new twist on accepted notions of society. It is an attempt to get the reader to take off the tinted glasses and look at the world with fresh eyes. If you agree with the ideas of this blog, and think anew, I would consider myself successful. If you do not agree with the thoughts on this blog and cement your own notions, it still made you think, and my work is done.
Look at the world with a refractive lens. The truth will stand out.


If you like my blog, you might want to check out my book for children-

Enchanting Fables (PublishAmerica)