Each in its place

I love wild life, as many of us do. I love wildflowers and weeds. I love the ferns that grow on palms without a care. I love the moss that coaxes life out of rocks, and all that grows between our stone pavers.

But just as the moss between pavers needs to cleared out, wild creatures need to stay out of my house.

I don’t bother the lizards out in the garden, even though they make me unable to walk on the grass once I spot them. I expect the same courtesy from them to stay off my habitation!

Yes, last night, yet another lizard was watching TV with us. It was small enough for us not to have a stroke and ask our kind neighbours to help out. But I did kill it. With enough Raid to kill us too if we had stayed in the same room.

The gorgeous cardinals wake me up every morning. It is the highlight of my morning. At least one of the family says 'Hi' to me, and flies away as soon as I see it from my window (No, they are not afraid of us. The cardinal family has sat by on the hibiscus while we swim close by). Eddie (a grey stork-like bird) walks on the fence and seems to greet us when we walk out; the Sandhill cranes (named by Rasha: Albert, Alberta, and their Albertinis) have been visiting us since the first day we were here. One had scared me into the house because he kept coming closer trying to share my tea!

I love seeing the shy alligators in our lake, identifiable by their singular grunts and swim paths. Ally (our ‘wild pet') has been ‘talking’ to Rasha since he was a baby, and has saved us from a bobcat once. True story.

We have seen coyotes, a baby bobcat, a raccoon, and armadillos sauntering around in our backyard. It is quite lovely – as long as they are OUTSIDE.

A snake in the outdoor kitchen, and under our TV cabinet, lizards … too many times to count – not acceptable. The same cute armadillo in my living room?? I would be in terrified panic.

Rasha had created a story when she was toddler (she sometimes responded with a story of her own when I told her one). Something about the sun and clouds and how they each had their place and that is why we should not use flash cameras on animas in zoos. Yes, truth from the mouth of babes. That story has stayed withe me (Side note: we never used cameras at the zoo again).

So as I sit here, feeling genuinely, deeply, unequivocally grateful for the sun on the sparkling lake, do I also feel a pang of guilt for the murdered lizard?

No. I have the right to stand my ground in my home. No lizards allowed.

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Just Be Nice

Someone once said I was nice, and I got a pleasant shock. Yes, I try, but trying is not the same as being genuinely nice. Everyone tries to do right and be correct, but I know a few wonderful friends who are spontaneously, unapologetically, uncompromisingly, and unconsciously nice. Coming over to allay a neighbour's illogical fears, texting a check-in after a weird post, a heartwarming spontaneous exclamation — we all can recognise an authentic nice soul.

 I wonder how you would define a nice person.

Niceness is a requirement for civilisation to progress. Not money, not technology, not vision. Just a few good, caring hearts in the right place. We see a microcosm of a great society where I live. Having nice people around just makes everything feel like home. It's as simple as having them in your life, and physically close by. We do not need constant texting or sharing of memes. You know they are there. That is what the strength of a tribe was, and it still is. 

I know there are some really mean, artificial people. I would not give them any space in my life or mind, but, obviously, they seem nice enough for their families and their friends. Almost everyone is nice to people they care about. Going above and beyond is normal to show affection to those we love. And it is easy to be considerate to those we like. But is it niceness if your best version is specific to certain people only?

I think you can be an evolved (nice) human only if you can extend courtesy and generosity to people beyond your circle. Donating to a charity not of your choice because they need funds, attending an occasion celebrating something you don't approve of, stretching the budget to accommodate another's needs: this is quiet work that builds the bedrock of a thriving individual, and, by extension, a thriving society. If those tribes of earlier times had extended their supportive niceness to other tribes, there would be no wars.

The other aspect of niceness is action. Just thinking about how things can be corrected is not being nice.  Niceness requires the ability and strength to go out of your comfort zone to do something. There are times I feel like running out into the street and screaming against an injustice (sometimes as simple as after watching a movie like The Pursuit of Happiness), but I don't do that. I can't imagine myself screaming, for one. ;)

To actually stand up, loudly, for what you feel, to give voice to the unheard, to support those broken down, to be there for someone who has no one: that is quintessential niceness. Just shedding a few tears, even if  your heart is really breaking, does not make you nice.

On a bigger scale, I think being nice becomes subjective and very, very important. Imagine if our billionaires were really nice. Not by measure of the maybe 0.01 percent charitable donations they make, but actually effectively nice. Maybe they could heal Sudan or clean our oceans instead of sending cars into space and taking rides to the moon. 

The simplest definition of nice is doing something helpful for someone you do not necessarily like. Giving a ride to an acquaintance in need, tolerating company you don't really want. That is why I believe niceness also comes from a place of power. It is not being nice if you have to interact with certain people because of societal pressures. It is not niceness if you get your boss the coffee because it is expected. It is not being nice when you pay your taxes — that is following the law.  These acts are all proper and correct, but it is not being nice. These deeds are important for social fabric, and maybe even kind. But it is not organic, it is not because of the altruism of your soul. 

Even if you can't say you are a nice person because you only do nice things occasionally and intentionally, the acts in themselves matter. Whether it is from a place of genuine instinctive concern or from superficial external pressure, whether it is an unbidden act of graciousness or something designed, the resultant butterfly effect is undeniable.

So, are you a nice person? Or are you just consciously 'nice'? Either way, it is really nice what you do :D. Seriously.