It had stuck with me, and deleteriously so. I would think of the results of my effort every time I wrote, and give up midway. Who will read this? Who will ever publish this? And even the Bhagwad Gita's exhortation to 'do my duty and not bother about the rewards' would not help.
So I wrote for my columns in Deccan Chronicle; I wrote for a fairy tale collection for a vanity publisher; I wrote for contests in which I knew I would be read, if not win. I wrote for a small children's magazine whose editor thought I was the second coming of Enid Blyton. I wrote and edited for a corporate entity's social arm.
But I kept a novel hidden on simmer, a memoir on 'someday', and so many stories on the back burner. Why write if no one wants it? And now it seems those ideas all lie burnt in my soul somewhere.
And so, my dear (single-digit) readers, I now plan to write everything I want to. For you. And for me, of course. Because I love to think in writing. Because I can figure out my thoughts as I write. Because I don't need to talk when I write. Because I have loved writing since I could read. I don't care if it is the most uninspiring mush that I am putting in words, or if it turns out to be a story or a thought that has been told earlier and better. There is amazing talent out there – published and hidden. It is a privilege to read their works, and I cannot pretend to be anywhere in their orbit. This is me just doing what I love: playing wordsmith, stringing sentences together in a language I have been more comfortable with than my own. Getting published, or even being read, is not the goal. There is no goal.
It is in writing I find joy, and so I will write. Because we must do what we love. Not what needs to be done. Not what the ones we love need done. Not what is the right or safe thing to do. Just what WE love – however pointless, reckless, time-wasting or uncharacteristic it may seem. Whether it is diving into a book or the sea, whether is creating a beautiful table, or something to put on a table, whether it is sleeping or day dreaming – make sure you do what you love doing. It is one sure way to love yourself.
Life throws a lot of garbage our way – toxic people, horrible leaders, germs and pollution, loss and pain of all magnitudes. But if we hold on to that little spark within that keeps us wanting to breathe, we might just remain sane. Maybe even happy!
Among all the blessings of people we love and the things we cherish, we must recognise that one thing that adds the spark to our eyes and the lift in our steps. It is what we turn to, knowingly or unknowingly, to calm our minds, to ground our thoughts, to heal our hurts. It is eventually the only medicine we need.
Life throws a lot of garbage our way – toxic people, horrible leaders, germs and pollution, loss and pain of all magnitudes. But if we hold on to that little spark within that keeps us wanting to breathe, we might just remain sane. Maybe even happy!
Among all the blessings of people we love and the things we cherish, we must recognise that one thing that adds the spark to our eyes and the lift in our steps. It is what we turn to, knowingly or unknowingly, to calm our minds, to ground our thoughts, to heal our hurts. It is eventually the only medicine we need.
